The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I miss my beautiful son. No word from him. I don't know and probably will not understand why this is happening. I keep faith and I will forever have hope. This is not like him to go on for do long not at least checking in to tell me something. I'm just hurting. I pray for peace and strength.. Can some one help me understand ?
I'm sure your son doesn't want to keep hurting you with his addiction. I know my son would not call me for weeks because he didn't want me to come, complain or cry anymore. He didn't want to hear it. My son doesn't understand what I really go through and when I did speak with him he was always saying don't worry MOM.....chill out. Of course I couldn't because I wanted so bad to fix him or he was going to die on me.
We have to let go and let them suffer enough to seek help.....and that's what we pray for. We don't want to lose them, we are scared and fear the worse but with taking care of ourselves the hurting becomes less and less with time.
God grant me the serenity to except the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I know that fear and it hurts me to see you going through this but just remember you are not alone my friend ((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Gaby it is painful to miss your son I do understand and I found that "Acceptance" of the reality of this disease eased the pain. My son once told me he left and did not return because he could not stand to see the "Sadness" in my eyes.
When my husband gained sobriety, he stated that he had "No Memory" of the last 2 years of his drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease that manifests itself in many painful ways. The family is adversely affected because they do not understand or accept that since this is a disease that they are powerless over as they are powerless over the actions of the alcoholic. The alcoholic's prime focus is on his drug of choice.
Prayer, meetings and serenity prayer helped me to walk throught the "Hell you describe.
Thank you ladies. I know I am not alone , I am so greatful for every one that is helping me through this. I feel every day that I am reliving the loss of my son when I don't even know nothing about him. The unknown kills me but the known was making me feel the same. I don't want to lose no faith. But I will admit that I feel like I'm preparing myself for the worst. Is that a bad thing? My son has told me over and over that he hates seeing me and his sister hurt. That's the part I don't get. Then why if you know you have a problem you don't get help. I'm just at a huge lost.. What keeps me going is my daughter. She needs me and I see her pain but yet so much resentment that she also has for her brother. I love him dearly. But I truly have done all I can do for him. He knows he can reach out to me for help if he truly means it. I am greatful for the support I seek every day every where. At this time I do not have a Sponser but I reach out to many.. Thank you all. I just want peace. I know god has his arms around him.. I would like to know I never ask, but do our addicts do this and return ? How can my 22 year old just leave and not make contact. I know he has not seen his daughter. Is it bad for me to fight for my rights?
(((Gaby)))
There are addicts I care deeply for out there. One chooses to come and go. He will spend months on end not contacting his mother. When he does surface she reminds him she loves him and tries to just cherish what time she has knowing he may or may not get the help he needs. She tried helping in the past and now sees the cycle and has changed what she can so that she does not have to suffer along side. Know that you are loved but they don't have the ability to nurture that relationship until they learn how to take care of themselves. I am close to his mother and often we remind each other to Love, let go and let God. Take good care of you and continue to stand in the light.
My son disappears and then resurfaces - usually because the disease wants something - and probably because my son does want to make a connection. I have learned to ride with the ebb and flow of his comings and goings by focusing on my life, my responsibilities and the people who show up in my life day by day. I try to enjoy the times or talks I have with my son when the disease isn't ramped up or ramping up and cherish memories of him doing special things with me or for me or me with and for him. This is a one day at a time program that offers us a new way to think and a new way to feel and behave every day if we want to apply it to our lives.
If it is any help to you, my friends have grown kids who are not As, there are no problems in the family and their grown sons don't contact them as much as the parents might like. Once our kids are raised, unless they ask for our help or our input, I have learned it is best just to keep my hands off their lives and my opinion in my pocket. And sometimes, the help they ask for requires a loving no, too.
I've also learned that I can't entertain two thoughts at the same time. Whenever I was hurting, it helped to pull out one of my readers and look for the topic or the Step that seemed to fit me best at that time. I read each page on the topic or Step until I could feel my body relax, my feelings peaceful, and my breath slow and deep. Sometimes, just breathing deeply forced me out of being all tensed up and a new thought or idea could come to me then.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 27th of May 2014 02:45:24 PM
Thank you all. Right now at this moment I'm ok. I know I have done all I can for my son. I have no control of him nor his choices he makes. I pray for the best .. I have a beautiful daughter who is feeling this ugly feeling too and she shouldn't. I should be angry and at times I do. But then I take a step back thinking the worst. I don't want guilt to eat at me. But what can I do for my son that he can not do for himself. He knows he is very much loved. Backing off is giving him a chance to live. I have no energy to even begin to look for him and if I did what good am I doing for him. I just need to know that I will live through this regardless of the outcome.
I miss my son every day. As far as I know, he is living in a sober house, a strict one this time, where you have to attend meetings and will be asked to leave if caught using. I have not heard from him other than a voice mail on Mother's Day. I know he was looking for work at that time. Although it hurts me not to be in contact, I feel it's best for now. He needs to work on himself. I'm not convinced that he has surrendered and is working a program whole heartedly. I am afraid he may be there because he has no other option except homelessness. But that is my fear - it may not be the reality. Whatever happens, he is in HP's hands, as is your son. We can only take care of ourselves and do a lot of praying.
(((Gaby))) There are addicts I care deeply for out there. One chooses to come and go. He will spend months on end not contacting his mother. When he does surface she reminds him she loves him and tries to just cherish what time she has knowing he may or may not get the help he needs. She tried helping in the past and now sees the cycle and has changed what she can so that she does not have to suffer along side. Know that you are loved but they don't have the ability to nurture that relationship until they learn how to take care of themselves. I am close to his mother and often we remind each other to Love, let go and let God. Take good care of you and continue to stand in the light.
Couldn't have said this any better. (((Gaby))) I stand united with you as a mom of an adult AD who has not wanted to be in contact with me for over six months now. What I keep saying to myself is, "She can choose to reject me, but I don't have to accept her rejection."
