Right now I'm insane, again! - Al-Anon Family Group

HisMrsWright · Member

Right now I'm insane, again!

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi HMW, you seem to have good awareness, and you are well on your way to acceptance, you are doing better than you think I'm guessing.

I don't have time to post real ESH right now, but will be back later to do that. Unfortunately most of my AWs relapse time was before I had Alanon so much was spent in not-even-knowing-I'm-insane-insanity.

Just don't let him steal your serenity. Serenity prayer is good.

Kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

First of all, he knew it was wrong and he knew where it would lead. He made the choice to use since he has been in recovery.

I freaked out the first time my son used. I did the best I could at the time. So did you. I went to my meetings and reached out to my sponsor and that helped a lot. Glad you're here. You know what to do when you're spinning because he's spinning. You've made a good choice to regain some balance.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

We are always here to listen!

Well as you know I am sure it is the disease making you sick. I am imagining the A disease on your shoulder poking and poking you as you were mad at the As disease.

Does no good to get into his stuff, ask questions he will lie to. That is a symptom of being A. They are programmed to protect themselves, even with lies they believe to be true.

he was never on a recovery plan. To not be is just white knuckling till they relapse. I don't even know where this slip thing comes from. It is not a slip, it is a relapse back to when ever they stopped taking the drug. Back to the same behaviors, not at a beginning.

It just does not matter what he is doing or not doing. Al Anon teaches us to look at our own life and what we can do to make ourselves ok. We can't do anything for the addict. I learned to not even react to it.

I tell this story. My AH's friend said he went to check on my car stuck on the side of the road. OH how nice. When AH and I went to get my car, unknowest to me or him, the "friend" heroin addict, left a few pills in paper for AH on top of the tire under the wheel well.

So when AH finds out, guess what. he asks me to drive him back over as friend lost his key there. right. he went back to scoop up the pills that were powder there! I am not kidding. I was sickened. THEN he asked me to take him back! omg insanity eh?

They are so sick, nothing they say matters. If we want to stay, my way was to learn alll the skills and put them to practice. I never talked about his disease. Told him to keep it to himself, was his disease not mine. And I was sad he had to deal with it. I told him that.

I loved him so very much most my life. As we know the disease progresses. My AH was so so sick and getting sicker, even smelled bad.

rotting, dying. Plus he has so ma ny health issues that would drive most of us mad, tinnitis for one. When he is just doing maintenance with heroin, he is almost like the man I always knew. sad eh? Once I thought he was sober, on program after his brain surgery, only to have him tell me he was back on heroin. He learned how it helped him during the Viet Nam war. Honestly, he should be dead.

Anyway not reacting to his disease was what made it such a good time for awhile, months. It was a time that I call precious time when I gleaned all the love and gave all I could without enabling.

I don't regret it. I no longer miss him at all. AS in my head and heart I know the man I loved is dead. this is just a monster walking around now.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

HI

my AW finally got bad enough for me to come out of denial Labor Day weekend 2012. We were at a pool party and as we were leaving she curled up and took a nap in our hosts' front yard. She as in inpatient treatment three days later. She came out a little earlier than they recommended, but had a support network and went to AA meetings. I was happy, I thought they had cured my wife. I didn't REALLY think that, but my denial loving brain kept feeding me that BS.

She relapsed by Christmas. By May she had gotten a DUI. Lost her license for 3 months, probation a year. I was still clueless, went to a couple Alanon
meetings but didn't get it, so I didn't come back. She met her probation officer on a Monday and Monday evening had binged most of a 750ml vodka.

She drank off and on over the summer. She held it together mostly, couldn't drive so couldn't get booze. As soon as she got wheels back she would go to meetings but stop and get vodka on the way home. I even got to a point where I bought her a bottle of wine on vacation because I figured she would just pitch a fit until I bought if anyway.

I left for a business trip in November. The first night I was there I got a phone call from my 13 yo son that he thought she was drunk. Sure enough she was. I arranged a rife for him to school in the morning, but later in the day she was too far gone and I couldn't get her to do anything to admit there was any problem, to get out of the car, etc. So she was picked up on the way to school if pick up our son and a friend. The policeman came around the side of the car and fortunately for her my son hadn't gotten in yet or she would have gotten a second count of reckless endangerment.

So she was in jail 10 days without bond since it was parole violation. I didn't come home early from my business trip, there was nothing foe me to accomplish at home.

Our lawyer got it arranged for her to get out and go to rehab. That is when she gave up and just told them "tell me what to do, I will do it". She was finally ready to put her recovery first. And she has been sober 6+ months now. Has a great support network, we went to a party her sponsor held this weekend, just so AW could understand how to have a party without alcohol. But we know relapse could come at any time, so we have plans for that just in case.

Why my wife chose recovery when she did? I suppose she hit bottom in jail. 8 days she was on suicide watch, which means she stayed in isolation but still in the drunk intake. Horrible experience. Why that wouldn't be a bottom for anybody i dont know, but many As go through that and worse and just blame the world without understanding the consequences. I'm truly grateful to HP that she is now sober, and pray every day she stays that way.

Kenny

-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Tuesday 27th of May 2014 10:03:36 AM

HisMrsWright · Member

I appreciate everyone's responses. It is extremely humbling when I hear other stories. Being an Al Anon makes it so easy to think I'm a victim and there's no one else who could possibly understand. While I hate hearing stories like this I am glad there are people who have been through it too and they are OK!

I am thankful that my higher power, God, helped me to find my calm heart again this afternoon and I have remained calm this entire evening. I had a bad start to my day but I prayed for help for myself and myself only and by the time I got off work and came back home I was ok with having to come home and it didnt take any extra effort to act like a decent human being. We had dinner and watched TV and I didn't think about what had happened but for a few minutes of the night.

I am praying for the same strength tomorrow. As well as the rest of this week. I just need to get through this one last Thursday baseball game for my son and I can go to my meeting next week. I can't wait.

Thank you al anon family!

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