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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Ok .. Dejvu ..
Post Info TOPIC: Ok .. Dejvu ..
SerenityRUS


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Ok .. Dejvu ..
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So I know I'm not suppose to focus on my stbax .. however .. LOL .. that being said .. this was something else that came up in therapy the other day ..

There is some BIG dejvu happening right now .. 2 1/2 years he's back at his mothers for the 3rd time 5th move during this time.  So pretty much he's in the exact same place he was when this whole mess started to begin with; we aren't divorced and once again waiting on him to make a move following through with financials. 

I received a text the other day as I was trying to communicate about the cat to which of course is MY cat now that there needs to be some responsibility taken in regards to the situation .. never mind that HE was taking the cat and HE was going to be responsible for her as long as he was moved out.  I'm still trying to find the little darling a home.  This is like the kids when real work needs to be done with them .. they are MY kids when he wants to exercise his "rights" to see them randomly .. they are "his" kids.  I just roll my eyes at my phone when we have these conversations and try to keep as much emotional stuff out of them as possible.  It's just better for everyone that way.  Plus what is the point .. gak .. there is no payoff for me anymore and he definitely needs the anger there and I feel kind of past that part. 

Part of that text and he doesn't remember this the wording and everything is the EXACT and I mean duplicate of what he has said to me in the past .. I was completely blown away by it all.  He started in about how when he moved back home he was going to buy the kids 150$ worth of clothes every 2 weeks until they had what they needed for summer and then for school.  I was like OMGOSH .. why I have I heard this before? 

I can actually go back and trace back to the conversation where he said this EXACT same thing .. NOW .. how frightening is that?  I do mean verbatim .. not just sort of kind of thing. 

If nothing changes then nothing changes .. he's so far out there that he's going back to behavior and words from 2 years ago .. it was a very weird surreal dejvu  moment for me.  14k later and I'm still married, he's living at his mothers and it's as if he's not doing anything to move forward. 

Oi .. I knew May was going to be a big month for me and it has been .. this is like starting all over again only my footing in this arena is far different.  I feel good.  I feel as if I am at least moving forward.  Granted 2 1/2 years later and I'm still talking about divorce and HIM .. at least the kids have some stability, we have not had to deal to intensely with his insanity, and he's just as crazy as you wanna be doing the same thing over and over again.  Which means .. we are headed for another episode of some kind .. it's in the build stages.  The reason I say this is because he will maintain for about a year or so and then have another police involvement happen.  It will take another 9-12 months at this point .. however I can get out my calendar and if he's doing the same thing like he is .. it's only a matter of time before it happens. 

I'm watching him on the merry go round and I'm not on it .. thank you Jesus!  Now I would like to leave the park completely and just allow him to self destruct as he sees fit.  I can't watch anymore. 

Hugs :)

 

 

 



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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
hotrod


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Serenity It is indeed predictable and I am so happy that you are finally seeing the insanity and not responding. Keep taking care of yourself. This too shall pass.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Breakingfree


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I can relate and yes I hear the train arriving at the station on its never ending course to crazy town. The difference is I don't watch anymore and rarely even hear the whistle when it arrives and when I do hear it, I have so many better choices and options these days then to go to the station at all. It does nobody any good and I do feel love and compassion for my EX AH, but I am far healthier away from him then I ever was with him. I needed to take good care of me so I could take good care of my kids. I am over the guilt and over hearing that distant whistle and responding. It took a long while and I will always have those moments, but now I think and not react. This life is so hard already and you add the complexity of sick people it just gets harder, for me acceptance is key and so is the serenity prayer, so little is within my power to control or try to change that it makes my life simpler. The cycles repeat, but I learn and grow towards a better me and I break the cycles of old, my al-anon program has allowed me to do amazing things. And so has yours! Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


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i know from esh from me and others, I never see any money coming from an A. I don't know what is stopping your divorce going.

In oregon a separation makes it so neither are responsible for each others debts.

I know for me I need a clean break.

Am wondering if one wants off the merry go round, what would make one any communication from him. What difference does it make if he lives at mommys?

Myself I would have an attorney or friend he could contact when he is ready to sign divorce papers.

He has to be a father to the kids, we have NO control over it at all. So being the father is no excuse to allow him to bother you.

They LOVE to engage  us, it is a thrill that the same part of their brain that gets hi from alcohol, gambling, porn etc is.

I won't give it to them. hope you are ok!



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SerenityRUS


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Thankfully the courts count on people not paying so it's all automatic now.

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
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