hanging up on drunk people - Al-Anon Family Group

Slugcat · Veteran Member

hanging up on drunk people

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

He has a disease and is sick. Does not know what he is saying anyway.

If you do not protect yourself from the diseases bolony who will?

Good for you!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't talk to drunks and for me I simply state .. it sounds like talking at a different time would be better. <click> I have NOTHING to feel guilty about .. it is my right to talk to someone or not.

GFU as Deb said .. big hugs :)

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

It's your right to hang up on word salad. That's my term for drunk talk. I even hang up when he is sober but crossing boundaries.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

95 percent of the time they will not remember what happen when intoxicated. My son never did. I set my boundary that I would not talk to him when he was drunk and he soon learn I meant what I said.

Let go with love and kindness and take care of your needs..

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the action you employed in telling him the simple truth for you - "I don't want to talk to you when you are drunk" was such a humble and wise thing to say. You honored yourself in that statement and closed the door on drama.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Slugcat...Do you know the 3 Cees?

I didn't CAUSE this

I cannot CONTROL it

I will never be able to CURE it.

It's the truth and it will kill inappropriate guilt by the victims of alcoholism very quickly. Practice, Practice, Practice. (((((hugs)))))

karma13 · Senior Member

Nice boundary :) good for you for taking care of yourself :) I've found the guilt about taking care of myself is part of my end of the disease. Stinking thinking : / I get quiet ask myself what works for me? how am I feeling about this conversation. If I'm not feeling good. I say I have to go and take care of me..or physically step away if they are in my presence. I also journal and feel those feelings..do a little written step work. Whatever step is appropriate. There is no shame in taking care of self :)

SunshineGirl · Senior Member

One of my boundaries is not taking calls from drunks.

A waste of time and just plain annoying.

I would never phone my late A dad after about noon each day as he would be drunk and stupid. If he called me, I wouldn't answer. Thank goodness for caller id! smile

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

You do have a life! It's not all about him!

I did that kind of thing many times. Not only hanging up on AW, but yelling at her not to get in car, I will gladly drive her to the grocery, yelling that she needs to stop making my life so hard since I have to come home to babysit her when she would get drunk with 11 yo son in house and me out practicing music at church. Yes, then through a long process I understood the first step.

And then I understood that I was letting myself be robbed of my serenity. She wasn't taking it from me, she was just doing what her disease told her to do. Hopefully sometime she would get it and get into recovery, but in the meantime, I didn't have to interact with her, since I found I didn't cause, could control, and wouldn't cure her drinking. I was the only one responsible for my serenity by choosing my reactions to it. Yes, I had choice over my reactions.

I could leave for the evening. I could ignore her when she woke up from her binge and not get caught up in the circular arguing about how it is all my fault. These were things that I had choice over, but I didn't realize it until I finally accepted that I was powerless over alcohol, and powerless over alcohol's effect on her.

Lastly, I could go to Al Anon. Meet with other people and get the wisdom of others with similar situations. I hope you can do that too. I know it has help me immensely, even now that my wife is in recovery, it is still helping both of us every day.

Kenny

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.