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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Invitations!
Post Info TOPIC: Invitations!
SunshineGirl


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Invitations!
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Hello all

I am feeling very grateful to my program.  One thing I learnt quite some time ago that has helped me enormously is that everything my AH does/says can be treated as an 'invitation' not a given.  Meaning I can chose to accept the invitation to his fight, pity party, insanity, buy into lies, etc OR I can decline it.  This realisation lifted so much weight from my shoulders.

My distorted thinking told me that I had to go along with it all.  Discovering this was not true was such a relief.

Now I see it all as a choice, one that after some practise, I comfortably turn down. 

My preferred way to turn down the invitation is to just say something like 'oh' and gently leave the room.   By the time I am ready to wander by in later, AH has forgotten the whole thing.  My serenity is maintained. 

When I used to get hooked in, it would develop into hours/days of insanity.  On both sides. Me enabling.  Me insanely trying to prove that he was insane! 

Thank God I know I don't have to do that anymore.



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Katy


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Dear Sunshine girl,

I am still amazed at the lengths I am capable of going to when I don't see something as an invitation, and view it as a "you must attend", when I do see the difference I am bowled over, I used to take any little slight to my personality very personally, I wanted to be perfect and I am far from it, when I get told off at work as I do regularly I love the response to my honesty, seems to me many people live in defence mode even when it's blatantly obvious to everyone else, I think thats what I struggle with most, to believe in my seeing, nothing shortens a telling off quicker than, " yes I did that", I am a rebel sometimes I know I am, I hope I am just a nicer one these days.

love

Katy

  x



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Katy
hotrod


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Good Work!!! Thanks for the great tip.smile



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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tiredtonite


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That's really great practice of detachment.  Thanks for sharing your progress!   TT



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Fifi


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This really helps me! My life has been "I react, therefore I am". I am practicing not reacting to EVERYTHING. Seeing his negativity as an invitation to interact.... I will try and keep this idea close :). Thanks for posting.

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Breakingfree


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Your awareness is great and isn't perspective a wonderful gift! Keep up the good work! Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
grateful2be


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smile



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KennyFenderjazz


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I've heard the one about you don't have to attend every fight you are invited to, but hadn't thought about that applying to so many other facets of the relationship/life. Thanks for sharing that.

I suspect a number of us are printing up engraved "Not Attending" responses right now!

Kenny

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Debilyn


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perfect! great progress. I left the room even when he was not being a jerk from his disease. So when he was, he didn't know that was why I went to read or whatever.

hugs!!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

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el-cee


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Lovely work Sunshine. It is all a choice, its amazing. Before Alanon I felt helpless, trapped, always battling something in my head, angry about someone. Now I know its up to me no-one else how I feel, I own my feelings and thoughts. No-one has the power to upset, offend, hurt, abuse me unless I let them or give them space in my head and Im just not into that at all anymore. Love it.x

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SunshineGirl


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Posts: 141
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Thank you all so much for the loving responses.  Is wonderful to be part of this community.

I have been reading around this site and came across 'JADE'.  I hadn't seen this before.  Perfect.  It resonated with me straightaway.   Another great tool for my Al-anon Toolkit.

Thank you all again.  smile

 



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