The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He is not sick. He is not a victim. He is a twisted individual. I am not crazy. It is not my fault. I have power. He is not healthy. He is not a positive role model. A positive role model does not do what this man does.
Oh ok. That is good then. How can you protect yourself? Seems like mediation is your only answer with your son. I don't know... Just hoping you can find a way to feel and be safe.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 20th of May 2014 07:43:47 PM
Truth. Did something happen very recently that you want to share with us? Maybe not. I just wondered from the tone of this thread if he has approached you or attempted to engage you after your meeting in mediation?
Well, Truth, that all sounds pretty incredibly toooooooooo much for a 3 year old to be exposed to and I'm glad you are going to pursue supervised visitation with what I'm assuming would be a CPS worker and let the courts sort it all out? I can't remember if you have a restraining order to protect yourself since you have been abused by him or threatened? I'm surprised he was foolish enough to bring all this up in mediation or were these things he said to your son?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 20th of May 2014 08:10:56 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 20th of May 2014 08:13:03 PM
Since he brought this up in mediation? (I'm assuming from your words and I'm open to correction), then that should give you some documentation by a third party that might be helpful in getting supervised visitation for your son from a legal entity?
In our state, it is legally mandated to report suspected or obvious child abuse or neglect which can include a child being with an adult - parent or otherwise - who is engaged in illegal activities. The fact that the child's father stated he is joining a biker gang in front of the mediator would be mandatory reporting if red flags are raised in concern for the child who is too young to fend for himself as would any reports of domestic violence committed against the mother which is also seen to be child abuse since the child is affected by the mother being abused by the father. I would think that would trump any confidentiality agreement? If the mediator works for the state, I would think it is also their responsibility to report any suspected or possible child abuse or endangerment uncovered in the course of the mediation and even if they don't work for the state, I would wonder if they still would be legally mandated to report their concerns to CPS?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 20th of May 2014 09:39:27 PM
Well, if you have reported it to CPS and to the mediator who again I am assuming is only there to mediate visitation? and the abuse to the police when it occurred, perhaps you've done all you can do?
I think I am ready I am sure one of the other seven girls he did this too. In fact, I know he did. He creates so much fear and jealousy between the woman that they would all be scared.
Have you talked with abuse counselor? I did and found it to be extremely helpful and eye opening. I was not interested in much other than healing and taking care of my kids so what my x did with other women really wasn't on my radar range unless it had to do with my kids. This all happened in the 70s, so little was ever done then and many of the laws we have in place today and the supports weren't present when I was being abused. I saw a domestic abuse counselor in the mid-80s after the first Domestic Assault Shelter I had ever heard of was built and counseling services offered in the City where I moved to begin a new life for myself and my kids.
That's the beauty of Al-Anon. As we attend meetings, work the steps with a sponsor, share our e/s/h and listen to others, we heal and others heal, too. I used to think that I would be of service among women who were or had been abused because I had been abused. As I did things I loved to do, walked through the doors that opened for me, I noticed I really wasn't working among women and children who had been abused as much as I was creating safe places for many people with many issues to come and rest and play awhile. As I move towards retirement, I recognize that the person I can help heal the most is me and I can do it in the company of others who are also working on their own continual healing and growth.
Truth, I recently had the awakening too that I let myself become the victim of a ruthless Narcissistand I'm very close to believing he is a Sociopath. edging about this personality disease helped me a lot coping with the wounds I'm suffering. I focused for a long time on my codependency, but there also comes a time when I need to learn about what these disorders do to people. I am feeling better now, It was not my fault.at least not anymore after I cleaned my own side of the street.
He has become more dangerous and straight forward in his mental abuse, the mirroring, the projection, the crazy making, the blame, the pity games, Know that such people are empty shells, and fast learners and almost professional manipulators. they learn about our strengths and weaknesses first, only to use them to bring us down. Look at it this way: whatever he said or did to bring you down, part of that is your strength that he can't deal with or is envious about. They are black with envy actually. and they are incapable of feeling empathy. So do stick to your gut please, you KNOW what is best for you, follow through..and leave the empty shell behind. He is dead inside, not capable of feeling any feeling..other than envy of others who can.
Take good care of yourself.
in support. HUG
I don't know how it works for some reason I was thinking you were in a different country .. here in my state it is the law that you can't knowingly take a child around felons in terms of drugs, sex offenders and so on. You can or should be able to ask for background checks on ANYONE he's living with especially given his history. It should be very easy to get this situation rectified .. by getting the authorities involved? Supervised visits should be a snap to get especially considering the evidence that you have .. you should be able to ask for them to do a psych evaluation on him if you have serious doubts about safety for your child as well .. I don't know what that consists of however I heard it mentioned in during some of the OP court stuff I dealt with.
Big prayers to you and your kiddo .. that's scary stuff. I'm soooo glad that my kids are old enough to have a voice and know when to use it.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((((Truth)))) This is only one of the symptoms of the disease of alcoholism (what it is doing to you). You're working the solution by building a team of support around you. The more the better and the more control it looses. Family Services, CPS, Courts, Police, Church are all part of the solid support system along with your Al-Anon membership. MIP is also in support. The Anti-Abuse movement is large and powerful. Find out in your town where it has its offices and call right away. In support ((((hugs))))
