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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> If someone professes to love you
Post Info TOPIC: If someone professes to love you
deacon


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If someone professes to love you
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and then, almost every time you go away for a few hours, gets into the alcohol, what does that really say about your relationship. I am just so emotionally tired of coming home and finding him trying ever so hard to hide that he has been drinking. I suspect that his age is now really against him and he can't hide the effects nearly as well as he did when he was younger. It's just pathetic to see him try to act normally all the while over enunciating his words and slurring. I despise him for his weakness, I hate how he acts, I hate how he tries to make me the bad guy. I'm tired of the whole issue because he can't drink at all and he won't admit it. We are so good together when he does not drink but never knowing what I will face when I come home is just not worth it. I'm too old for this.



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hotrod


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(((Dear Deacon ))))
I do hear you and so understand -- In my thoughts and prayers.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
grateful2be


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I knew somebody who quit drinking when he was close to 70 years old and worked the AA program until he suffered a heart attack and died several years later. I've also known others who have quit even older although they couldn't do it voluntarily and HP helped do for them what they couldn't do for themselves.

I lost respect for my x. I was able to regain it for him when he was a few years away from dying of a heart attack but I could never have gone back to him. I no longer hated what he was doing to himself and did to himself but I was glad I was a long way from where I'd been when I separated from him.

Al-anon helped me do what I needed to do for me and in that doing, I could garner more compassion for him and forgive much of what had gone on in our marriage and following it. It also helped me share openly and honestly as you are doing how I felt about him and what I thought about him with people who got it and wouldn't use it against him or judge me. I'd get challenged along the way by some in the fellowship and still do on occasion which I needed, but the negative feelings and thoughts toward him (not towards some of what he'd done) were gone. That was freeing for me. I'm glad you're here, Deacon. Like Betty, I do understand. Keep coming back.


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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Newlife girl


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Deacon, you are not alone. I left my AH because I got tired of the anxiety I had wondering what condition I would find him in or if he would be sober enough to take care of our kids. We do pretty well when he is sober, too. The bad behavior started to outweigh the good, so I had to take care of my sanity and leave the situation. I have so much less anxiety now. Alcoholism is very unpredictable. We have a choice to live with it or not.

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Living life one step at a time
Debilyn


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deacon he is not weak. He has a horrible disease that causes him to crave alcohol constantly. He feels ashamed, so he does his best to hide it. Plus they honestly in their brains believe their own lies.

I know it puts you in a very hard almost impossible situation.Very hurtful for you. But he cannot help it. Even if they want to stop, they cannot do it on their own, plus unless they have come to a certain place in their disease, they cannot choose to stop.

This is why we have al anon, mip. We learn the truths of the disease, we learn to detach and learn skills to stay or go.

We are here for you. Please remember he has a disease and needs compassion. love has nothing to do with it. It is NOT personal.

hugs!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Breakingfree


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Alcoholics do what A's do, what are you gonna do? I hope you can take good care of you and get to al-anon meetings in your area. Have you read "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews? That book started my recovery journey with so much awareness. Sending you love and support on your recovery journey!


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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Beatrice


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Deacon, Just know that the Alcoholics actions have nothing to do with his love for you.

He has a disease, which you cannot cure.

Try to work the first step and really absorb it. ( 1. We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.

This is one of the most important steps to understand. It is the key to understanding this disease. Admitting we are powerless and really realizing it.

Keep coming back and work it, because it works if you work it.

Hugs, Bettina

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