Update: ;( - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

Update: ;(

oldergal · Senior Member

Dear Gaby, your situation is something I experienced, and the best thing I did at this time was turn off my phone or block his # so he could deal with his day to day life on his own, no more Mom until he found his own way. And that way I didnt stress at every turn. I also got on my knees and prayed alot. og

Gaby · Senior Member

Thank you OG. Your very right. He does not need to tell me his day to day movements. I know there lies anyways. I have to keep my focus on god and build me relationship with him. I know with him all things are possible. I have no control of the outcome. I keep telling myself that because for one it's true and for two I don't want to take any steps back. I'm not god I can't save him but I can do everything to save me.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

OG is right. I had to turn off my phone in the beginning so I didn't get the blow by blow. I also told my son I didn't want to hear it anymore so when he was arrested he never called me and his phone was off so I knew something was up. Just had to look him up in the arresting websites and found him. Yeah he would tell me a lot his phone was dying but it was because he was either too drunk to answer it or he was in trouble.

I finally got peace after a while just not hearing the day by day drama. I figured if he was hurt of dead I would get the call because I couldn't keep an eye on him 24/7 so why worry so much about it. It is what it is.... I let go.

Gaby · Senior Member

You all so right. I have not seen him in 3 weeks. He was just asking for prayers and gosh knows what he is truly doing.. But that's not for me to no longer figure out. I never had control with my son. He always did what he wanted to. He would make me feel guilty but yet he has chose his path. Just 3 weeks ago he had a great job just bought himself a nice car and was seeing his daughter every week. But it just took that one time and he lost it all. He knows what his consequences are. I will not clean up after his mess. What ever the outcome is in his life. I did not do this to him.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I, too, had to stop answering the phone. Many of my calls came in the wee hours of the morning when he was using or at other times when the disease was looking for its next fix, dollar, ride or place to stay. I also had to threaten police action at some point - hard to do with your own son and yet it wasn't my son - it was his disease that put me in a position where I felt the need to establish a boundary that I knew he wouldn't cross.

Fast forward several years and I no longer get the early morning calls. The disease does try to push the envelope on occasion with hooking terms that used to work on me or at least could send me into hours of worry and wrestling with what I should do or not do. I still wrestle at times and I'm grateful to my sponsor, the fellowship and this board for the input I receive when I am having trouble with what to do on something that is new for me.

Keep working the steps with your sponsor, Gaby, attending meetings and doing things just for you.

Rose50 · Senior Member

Keep taking care of yourself Gaby and let HP take care of your son.

(((hugs)))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

When things are really bad, i need to remind myself to give it to our Father. It is apparent you love the creator very much. I just went thru a horrible time. I had to keep praying for him to take this from me, then have to ask him again.

It does happen. Its a horrible loss to lose a child for any reason. I think about how much I love my daughter and never hear from her I want to die sometimes.

But I have to give it to our father.

My daughter is not A. I have no idea what keeps her away from me and her brother. Still hurts the same.They were our babies, our little kids.... I so know honey!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Keep taking good care of you! Sending you love and support on your recovery journey!

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