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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Continue to let it go and go with the flow
Post Info TOPIC: Continue to let it go and go with the flow
Cathyinaz


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Im having the tough time excepting my son and his denials and non-truths.  He cant tell me anything without exaggerating it to the max or lying about it.  I asked him yesterday if he had talked to his dad and he said no.  I know for a fact he did.  When I was quite about it, he then said. oh I think I talked to him Thursday but it was only for 10 minutes.   Well I had gotten an email from his father telling me he got the internet video to work and he had a great visit but 25 minutes is just not long enough.   I let go but it makes me sad my son cant just tell it like it is or exaggerates what is happening to him.  I pray he will change his thinking as time goes on but its so sad his mind works that way and thinks he has to manipulate or not tell me what is really happening.  He was talking about working while hes in DOC but no way will he work making license plates or cleaning cigarette butts off the highways.  That tells me hes still got a big problem.   

I want to support him so he doesnt think we have given up on him, but I cant make him think I will be there to pick up the pieces when he gets out.  Its a fine line.  My first thing Im doing is stopping so many internet visits. I think one per week is fine.  I also put some money on his books but I need him to know when hes out money does not continue.   I know right now his mind does not think that way so I pray in the coming year something will change. 

I pray he will grow up but thats a tall order in his mind.  God help me to understand and continue to let go. 

((( hugs ))) everyone  and thank you for being here. 



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SerenityRUS


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Hugs Cathy,

Keep taking care of you :)

Hugs S :)

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neshema2


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Cathy, all you can do is take care of you....Prayer is for your serenity...If he does not want to surrender to his maker for help, then that ends it....I would minimize contact with him, that way I am not being stressed out, lied to and bummed out at every turn.....sometimes we just have to distance ourselves from folks who suck the life out of us and who dont want to help themselves....sounds cold, but alanon is a  "save me" program.....also I am more calm when i don't "over think" stuff...keep it simple...take care of me...quit fretting about the other........sending support



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hotrod


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Cathy-- Good Idea to limit the internet calls.
Prayers on the way

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
el-cee


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I can relate, just when I think I have set the boundaries and im in a good place my sons circumstances change too and I can go backwards if im not careful. When my son was hospitalized back in november, I took him in for a whike and looked after him. I felt uneasy because I was getting sucked back in. It didnt take long before he gave me the opportunity to defend my boundaries. I think its a constant thing and unless you have nothing to do with him you may have to keep up the strength to keep doing it. I know for me, im not ready to cut my son off just yet maybe never. Im loving him from a distance right now. He comes for dinner and we talk on the phone and I can handle that right now. However, his life changes so quickly and its thks change that knocks me off balance. I can cope with most of it as long as he is not living with me, anything else is manageable for me when I align myself to change.

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Lyne


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I'm not sure how many times I will need to hear and try and take in that my famil ywill never do what I need them to do. We have an opportunity this weekend to get several bunches of the family together, and very few people are cooperating. I feel sad about my family and there is nothing I can do except have expectations for myself and try and follow through. The lessons are hard. Lyne

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Lyne
ilovedogs


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Hugs, Cathy, just sending you lots of support today! ((Cathy))

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Struggling to find me......
grateful2be


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(((C)))

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Rose50


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Sending prayers and support (((hugs)))

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Debilyn


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It's  hard to understand when we are not an A. But Cathy, they honestly believe their lies and manipulation. I know it sounds weird but there is research into this.

It's a matter of self preservation for them. To get more attention from you, his sick mind might think telling you he did not talk to dad you will feel sorry for him.

My A would tell his parents me and his brother he needed five dollars to get something out of hock. When in reality he would get thirty or more dollars from everyone he got five from. Was in his brain to have to do this. weird.

i am glad you put money in his account. I don't know what prison he is in, but its not pretty. Its a whole new world behind bars. I can tell you too, if he has a counselor etc. I would call them and keep in touch. When they know he is cared about they will pay more attention in keeping him safe.

When my AH was in prison, they put a known horrible killer with him. He was in for dui's! He was so afraid. I called and let them know how inappropriate it was....they took the guy out. My AH did not know I did it. He was told somebody on the outside really cares about you.

Then they put this autistic kid with him. lol OH the funny stories....but my ah had volunteered with me with my sp ed kids. he was great. so he honestly did fine with this strange bug, cared and helped him. this kid had been beaten and terrorized by everyone else...

anyway it does hurt I know. You are doing your best, sticking to your program. I want you to be quite proud of yourself. I hope your grieving for your kitty is better. It takes awhile. hugs!



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Breakingfree


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It can't be easy for you, Keep taking good care of you! I have to stay detached from my A's otherwise I take on too much with them. I am sending you prayers, love and support on your recovery journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
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