Brain is trying to trick me today - Al-Anon Family Group

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Brain is trying to trick me today

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Truth. Perhaps his perception of you is that you do act as his judge and jury. I know some of my sibs who drink immediately feel judged by me because they have a drink in their hand and I don't. All I have to do is walk in a room and they immediately feel judged - not because I am judging them but because of reasons of their own. The three Cs apply to what they think, feel and how they behave and is simply their perspective. My job is to check in with myself to see if anything they have said is true. If it is, then I can apply the 3 As to what I learn about myself. If it isn't true, I can simply see what they say as their opinion and that is none of my business.

As far as him saying you are bi-polar - well, my thinking is that even if it were true or not true, he wouldn't be able to diagnose it, would he? And if what he is saying is true and has been diagnosed by somebody qualified to do the testing, diagnose it and to treat it, then it is and there is no shame in that either.

What other people think about us does not have to bring us down or lift us up. Knowing and validating ourselves helps us stop the arrows before they hit us of armchair diagnosticians who are attempting to practice medicine or therapy without a license and other people's opinions of us. Self-knowledge and self-validation also help to cut down on even the positive opinions of others having any power over us. We are who we are and other people's opinions of us can't make us or break us.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 19th of May 2014 08:49:15 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 19th of May 2014 08:51:24 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 19th of May 2014 08:53:39 PM

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Grateful with a self check however, at the same time this is a deflection technique to keep you off balance.

I call it the bait and switch if you are off your game then they don't need to talk about the issue at hand. Stand in your truth and know that if you are clear about what is and isn't true it will be ok. My stbax recently tried that tactic when he didn't want to talk about issues that needed to be discussed.

I do self reflection after the fact because I don't need to be pulled into unnecessary games. I stick to the subject and do not feed the crazy that is being spouted. He might be right .. however I remember this is the same man who was telling me how crazy I was and he was the one going through 30 days of pills in 2 weeks while drinking like a fish and denying the affair he was having .. there can be a LOT of projection that happens.

Please consider the source.

Hugs S :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

smile

Reminds me of when I was in similar circumstances and my sponsor telling me "Run it thru the filter of the Serenity Prayer"...that man knew recovery rocket science I swear. I still do that. "No one has the ability to take my peace of mind and serenity...without my permission and participation" tear up the invitation to join in. ((((hugs))))

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

I know I am not bi-polar and I do consider the source. I got some rest. It was my PTSD.
He thinks I am bi-polar because I have normal emotions to normal hurts.
He knew it would hurt me that he was dating and taking my son around a family of convicted drug traffickers. I actually saw the pleasure in his eyes and he had hurt me.

-- Edited by Truth on Tuesday 20th of May 2014 11:02:10 AM

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

It can be so competitive with an a. My ex would enjoy getting one over on me, taking a cheap shot and watching my reaction gave him a sense of superiority. He would argue black was white. I love to say, you may be right and im okay with that. Honestly truth, its like wearing armour. His motives are dirty, keep yours nice and clean.x

1lostmom · Member

My daughter's A dad (my now ex) used to accuse me of judging him all the time. He felt judged because HE JUDGED HIMSELF HARSHLY, not because of anything I did wrong in order to make him feel that way.

He has been sober for 3 years now, and will answer questions as they come up for me. He admits now, with a clear head, that he projected a lot while he drank. He felt badly about himself, and blamed me for those internal feelings.

I don't for second doubt that your ex is hurt, and projecting his feelings onto you. Hurt people hurt people.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

My exAH would get blackout drunk and tell me all kinds of not nice things about me and that I was crazy, lol. The only thing crazy about it was that I would believe some of the nonsensical crap he was spewing at me while drunk and unable to take good care of himself! Sending you much love and support!

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