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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My HP is really leading me to be the real me.
Post Info TOPIC: My HP is really leading me to be the real me.
sadsusie


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My HP is really leading me to be the real me.
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I have really struggled over the last 10+ years. My AH has been very controlling and demeaning. I had felt worthless, and was subtly encouraged to stay in my "safe" shell of a home, and I had no friends. Really, NO friends. I had lots of acquaintances, but no phone numbers saved to my phone. And that is just NOT the kind of person I am. I was actually uncomfortable with the idea of even going out to lunch with someone. Not because I didn't want to but because It would cause such a commotion with my husband I figured It wasn't worth it. I have now realized that I had been wasting my life away. He is also extremely jealous. So let me ask all of you ladies. If you are friends with a group of people, and some of them are men. Do you or do you not hug hello. I believe it is quite customary. Well I used to practically have a panic attack if I even found myself in a conversation with a man. Ka - Razy town. And I wasn't scared for my self, I was "brainwashed". 

So, I have now begun selling a product, and the company has trainings and get togethers frequently to build core values. Wow, this is way outside of what I am "supposed" to do. Not only am I asked to go out (to meetings) regularly, I will soon be building myself a team where *I* encourage others to go out. To top it off, one of my trainers (and a really wonderful person) is a GUY. Whoa. 

I began the journey hesitant to verbally commit to meetings or anything else, even though I believe in their value. I am proud to say that I have had the conversation with my husband that all of the things that HE has problems with, are HIS problems. I am committed to him as a husband, and that everything that I do is NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL. I will not be asking "permission" anymore. If he is not able to get over that or if he does not trust me then we need to separate, because i Will NO LONGER LIVE a life that is NOT MINE!  Fyi It was not a threat or manipulation. I am serious as a heart attack. I am sick of it. I AM taking MY life back. 

I really believe that my HP knows me INSIDE AND OUT. He is giving me the opportunity to challenge myself. I am trying my very best to accept that challenge and go where HE wants me to go. To be the amazing (yes I said amazing!) woman that he created. I am very confident that he has constantly given me opportunities like this in the past, but I was not ready at that time to take the challenge. He has been very very gentle with me, and never gives up, even when I have. So for those of you who are struggling, have faith that your HP has your back, and he is teaching you (even if you don't realize it) and you ARE growing. There is no need to rush things (we cannot control it), be at peace and know that He is ready to take you where he wants you when you are ready. 

Many blessings!



__________________

Many Blessings,

"Sweet Susie"

 BEFORE-YOU-JUDGE-ME.jpgim in charge and I'm happypeople bring you down, you are above themresponsibilty for your energy
PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Good stuff, keep challenging yourself and letting others challenge you, as well.  When we begin to KNOW who we are, there is so much more peace.  I am curious as to the definition of you through "sadsusie"???



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Paula
sadsusie


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Hmm, I can surely say that i am much much happier. But at the same time I still hold a lot of resentment and frustration. and this journey is rocky. And most of the sadness is tied to my past and why I let destroy my life. Perhaps I am no longer "sad" susie as much as it is "emotional" susie. haha. That is a very great thing to think about! Thank you for bringing that up again and again. Maybe I am not all that sad after all. I used to have such a hard time knowing or identifying what I felt about things. I will spend more time considering my real feelings. I suppose that "sad" means more than unhappy to me. I will have to think of a new "handle" and post that as my signature. I will try to think on that. Thanks PP. Great way to raise my awareness ...(maybe I AM finally ready to let that go) very very interesting. I might cry! lol FREEING TEARS. 

Free susie, Growing susie, reaching for peace susie, standing her ground susie, shaking it up susie, out of her comfort zone susie, trying something different susie, sharing susie, healing susie, I'm not going to backslide susie, taking my life back susie, AMAZING SUSIE! 

I'll leave it at that ; ) lol

Thank you so much Paula! You just lead me on a whole different journey of self discovery. I think we should all do this...

 

 



__________________

Many Blessings,

"Sweet Susie"

 BEFORE-YOU-JUDGE-ME.jpgim in charge and I'm happypeople bring you down, you are above themresponsibilty for your energy
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

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I can't remember what BreakingFree's name was and she changed it because it no longer suited her .. that is going to drive me crazy .. I do think that coming here I was certainly in a different place than I am now. I think that part of the growth is knowing what fits and no longer fits into the box I know I placed myself in. I decided earlier this year that there really isn't a box that can hold me and it is ok to take myself out of that box as I had my Higher Power crammed in there with me too .. lol.

There wasn't a lot of room to breathe in that box .. when I opened the lid and my eyes got adjusted to the light I was able to see that box just didn't fit me and it sounds as if you have reached that point in your journey as well .. the box isn't big enough .. so maybe the new challenge is living outside of the box instead of keeping yourself locked in as a definition of who you are.

Great growth so glad to share this journey with you,

Hugs S :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Debilyn


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pm me, i want to know what you are selling!!!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Lyne


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You go girl! Lyne

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Lyne
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