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TRIGGER WARNING...... link to image of addiction below
So the wife of a very good friend of mine posted the following image on Facebook and I sort of lost it :
I was so triggered that I blocked her. Well....truthfully first I mentioned that the picture was not funny as someone who has been around plenty of addiction. Then all her buddies started chiming in that I had no sense of humor. I wish I had just blocked her rather than opening my trap. It would have been easier for me somehow. Anyhow, now every time we're around she brings it up and tries to "explain" herself. The following gems have come out of her mouth, "addiction is a choice" and also lots of general judgmental talk. She also says really insulting things about women. Kind of gross.
There's more here.....I've disliked almost since the day I met her. She's fully aware that I am a stripper and finds it "hilarious". She often sensationalizes my job when really it's just a job, but then she goes to strip clubs all the time (she's a lesbian) has a great time, and then when she's home makes all sorts of comments.
Also, she drinks like a fish. Often while peer pressuring and trying to physically pour alcohol down my mouth. She does not take no for an answer. I'm not sober but I drink very infrequently. Certainly not when someone is trying to force feed me.
A few nights ago, she got hammered and followed me around crying. They sad, crying, drunk think is particularly triggering to me as an ACOA. I really hate it. She kept telling me loved me and wanted to "be good" again. Then she actually barged into my bathroom stall at the far. I felt like murdering her.
I pray and pray for forgiveness and love and compassion.But I just hate her.I don't want to mediate. I don't want an apology. I don't want to work it out.I want to slap her and banish her to the ends of the earth so I never have to see her again.
-- Edited by Debilyn on Monday 19th of May 2014 11:42:27 AM
Sadly to be completely free of running into alcoholics, we'd have to move to a different planet.
But we're all here in Al-Anon because alcoholics have disturbed our serenity for too long. I imagine this one is a candidate for QTIP -- Quit Taking It Personally -- meaning that she undoubtedly imposes her sense of superiority and ridicule/contempt on anyone she comes within range of. And if she gets a reaction, she closes in. Not that what she's doing is anything like acceptable. But it's certainly par for the course for someone whose brain is full of insanity and chaos.
I don't know why we always have an impulse to try to change these people's behavior -- I guess because we recognize how insane it is. But might as well paint the moon purple as to expect our actions to improve theirs. I hope you'll take good care of yourself. That might include not engaging and giving her a foothold to escalate from. Jeepers, what a sad case she is.
Welcome to MIP - this is a good place to learn new ways to react to offensive behaviour - and I agree, that image is simply sad and not at all funny. I hope that you will stick around - I've learnt a lot about looking after my own feelings since I discovered these boards
Thanks, to both Mattie and Milkwood. Reading over my initial post I'm amazed at how much rage I have. I think I got too comfortable in working on myself since my prior intimate involvements with addicts and alcoholics seem to be so far in the past and life is going really well now. Just goes to show you really can't stop doing the work and expect the results to last. Lately I'm really sipping on that good old Rage-a-rade a bit too much.
And a little bit of a response to Mattie, I don't think my impulse is to change her. I think those days are over. Also, she's not MY wife. LOL. What I really want is for her to leave me alone. Whenever she's around it feels like vile, toxic sludge all over my body. Well, actually I guess I would like to change her behavior of trying to forcefully pour alcohol in my mouth. So gross.
-- Edited by Caspita08 on Monday 19th of May 2014 12:47:22 AM
Having toxic people around you is not good for the soul. No matter how good a friend her partner is to you, it just might be time to do a quick-step out of their lives.
The posting and her reaction speaks volumes about her. Your awareness of being triggered is golden and a place to explore further what was ignited within you and why. It may be a tender place to begin to unwind...do you have a sponsor? I would discourage you from doing this exploration alone.
I am seeking out a sponsor after falling off the wagon. I got so comfortable after cutting out users from my personal life and working individually in therapy that I have truly been missing from groups like, ACOA and ALANON. This just goes to show how much more work I need to do on my rage issues. I find myself feeling angry a lot lately and I'm only beginning to make the connection with the recent suicide of a cousin of mine. We fell apart over the years after he joined the Navy but he suffered greatly with alcoholism and PTSD. So I guess it just snapped me back to an angry place. I'm much easier to set off now. Can you believe it even took me that long to make the connection? I guess I should also pray for better observational skills.
Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful responses.
