The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After reflecting on "we are powerless", I think to some extend, everyone has the misconception that they are in control or can effect a change in someone else. Except that with an A in our lives, the door slammed hard on our face. It is living with an A that causes our control mentality to worsen and spin out of control. Control nature is like an explosive in everyone and the A is the fire.
sometimes when I asked God "why me", I will also ask myself if I have grown through this? I have to choose to grow myself rather than being in misery and achieving nothing.
I love the 2 songs by Laura story "blessing" and "grace". Whenever I am done, I will listen to them to remind myself that God has a purpose.
Thank you for this post, Sunshine.
"It is living with an A that causes our control mentality to worsen and spin out of control"
Everytime I consider that I've been in the program since 2005, I realize, I will not get better if I do not constantly "redo" my steps starting from step one.
Progress not perfection, and for now it's definitely back to step one for me.
Thanks so much for your post. The reminder that we are powerless and cannot affect a change in somebody else is a message I've heard and heeded and forgotten at times. Love to see it in print tonight.
I love step 1. Such a blessing and relief to learn we are powerless over others. That we not only need to but we are allowed to focus our precious energy on ourselves. We don't have to give it all away leaving nothing left for ourselves.
I was brought up by A parents who made us kids responsible for them and their drinking. This was all I knew so I believed it. That they drank because of the stress of us 'naughty kids'. What a gift to discover it wasn't true. That they would have drank regardless of us and our behaviours. Whether good bad or indifferent. They drank because it is what A's do.
I know this is true of my AH too. That I am powerless over his drinking and behaviours.
I am happy to say loud and proud that I work my program for me. I detach with love from others. I used to run myself ragged and literally insane trying to control them. How great to know I don't have to do that any more.
-- Edited by SunshineGirl on Sunday 18th of May 2014 03:56:53 AM
I think I must have had the potential to be controlling and then living with an a made it spiral out of control like you say. Step 1 gave me so much relief and I use it for everything now. I am powerless over people, places and things. Whew.freedom.x
After seeing AH again, I know I miss him. I tried to encourage him by holding his hand and telling him to get well. I told him too that I do not want to move but this will stop the mutual hurting and possibly save what is left of the marriage. After acknowledging I have no control and he has no control, I can face him in a calm manner. He said a couple of spiteful things about my move.
As I was leaving, I could not stop sobbing. He hugged the kids goodbye. I pray tonight that he will take the first step to getting well as he sees the family breaking apart. I am glad that I approached it with no pride. Just humility.
We don't have control over another person or the disease, but we can acknowledge that we have a problem with somebody else's drinking and get help in Al-Anon if we choose for ourselves. It might not stop an active A from drinking, but Al-Anon does help us learn how to keep the focus on us and making the changes we can make that our in our best interest and in the best interest of our minor children. I am happy to see that you have taken the first step towards a manageable life for yourself and for your kids, Sunshine. How sweet to see your willingness to let go of trying to change what you can't change and let your HP help you change what you can. (((S)))
To me, acceptance of the tenets of the first step is true power. Once we accept our powerlessness over other people, suddenly we free up our energy to focus where we need to focus, on us, and on our true responsibilities. Congratulations on letting the scales fall from your eyes and taking care of your family!! Step 2 gets us ready to accept that HP can be relied on, and is the one who actually pulled those scales down - you will truly be working that step now .
I am powerless over people, places and things. I set my boundaries with my ex-A today. I let go of the outcome. He is not interested in "people pleasing" was his response. I am fine with that. You are who you are. I accept that.
However, I am not giving my trust to you. You stay on your side of the street. I will stay on mine.
