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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Happy A was here for a day.
Post Info TOPIC: Happy A was here for a day.
Melly1248


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Happy A was here for a day.
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I received a gift from A the other night. The first, ever. It is a coffee machine that I have been quite vocally wishing for for a long time. I'm awfully fussy about my coffee.

So that was a surprise. I decided not to question his motives, and to stop second guessing my own (should I accept it, does that mean he'll expect me to sleep with him, will he take it to mean x,y,or z etc) and just enjoy it and say thank you and be delighted, which I was. Am.

It became clear very quickly that he was manic. He gets that way when he decides to start gambling again and this was no exception. Excited jabbering and trying to talk at me about his gambling plans. "No, we have agreed that I will not discuss gambling with you; we don't agree about it and it's not my business". He agrees. "Yes, thank-you for respecting me and not being negative. You're right, it's a good idea if we don't discuss it".

I bother him only one time- to offer him a sip of the first coffee from the machine. He seems happy and I leave him to it.

But later, I learn that he was trying to concentrate when I brought in the coffee, and because of me he lost all of his money. Here we go. It progresses- I have left him to mope and refused to engage or hear his gambling plans which he is now really determined to share with me (next pay he will get it right). I state that I do not want to discuss gambling with him. (It's hardly a discussion if I am only allowed to say "ooooh, aaaah, what an amazing idea, we'll be rich!!") and there is sulking, absurd attempts to start fights such as, he came and stood in the lounge-room door and was looking at something out of my line of sight. I ask him, smiling, "what ya looking at?" He storms off, hours of sulking because he came into the lounge room and I "attacked him" because "he isn't allowed anywhere in the house". Mhhm.

Part of me wonders, does he regret buying me a gift now that he has lost all of his money instead of making a fortune? He must. Should I give it back? Pay him for it? Especially since he feels that I caused his loss.

Lol. Shush, dumb voice in my head. None of this is my business. I have a boundary (and for very, very good reason) that I will not discuss gambling with him (then he has less reason to blame me when he loses his money). Once I caused him to lose $5000 because of my "negative vibes"!! Another time, I cost him $2,500 by speaking to him when he was gambling. 

Anyway, there's no reason for any of this to upset me. This is the cycle of gambling. Excitement, then loss, regret, boredom, terrible cravings. I know it; I used to live it. I stopped. I absolutely do not have to live it for someone else.

 So, here is what daughter and I did this afternoon. We obtained a blow-torch and some clamps and other bits of pieces and we set about to make "jewellery from forks".

Here are some examples of lovely fork jewellery that other people have made, and an idea of what we are trying to achieve.

curly_fork_2_zps99134279.jpg413c_zpsa0f78961.jpg

 

Nice, aren't they?

Here is what daughter and I made this afternoon.

0ec7f0e8-9cf9-44ff-bc62-01d6fd3e9c0d_zpsa38c0251.jpg

 

We call it "Alien With No Head".

Lol. Think I'll have a cup of coffee and see if I can't find some instructional videos on fork jewellery

The good news is, we can only get better!

 



-- Edited by Melly1248 on Saturday 17th of May 2014 10:15:42 AM



-- Edited by Melly1248 on Saturday 17th of May 2014 10:17:53 AM

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grateful2be


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I love that you are both focused on learning how to create jewelry together in this way! Wow! I can't make a thing and I so do love it when others can and share their work with us! Thank you, Melly.

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PP


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The bracelet is stunning, Melly.  The piece on the left makes me think of a mermaid.



-- Edited by PP on Saturday 17th of May 2014 10:08:47 AM

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Paula
Melly1248


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We didn't make that though, we made the mangled mess at the end lol. But we will get there Everyone starts somewhere!!! Progress, not perfection right!!

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grateful2be


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Right!

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PP


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Yep!  Each time I begin a new medium, I am happy that I began.  I feel satisfied with my first attempt (even though often I laugh and say, "0h that sucks"), then I keep going, with joy, and I become happier and happier with the progresssmile



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Paula
milkwood


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I can't resist saying it - Progress, not Perfection!! And miles ahead of anything I've ever achieved with a fork, thats for sure!

I love that you are making jewellery together, what a special memory to be creating for you both.

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Melly1248


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If nothing else, it gave us some good laughs and I got the hang of using the blow-torch
The metal needs to be a lot hotter to bend easily, is what I learnt from this experience. I'm a bit nervous once it starts to glow red-hot and I think I would feel better if I had some welding gloves instead of trying to hold it still with pliers.
"Alien With No Head" now has a place on the mantle and will make us giggle many more times in the future I am sure

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Jill


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Lucky daughter! That sounds fun.

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el-cee


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Thats lovely, who would have thought a fork could be so useful. You will be on to the jewellery in no time, maybe it could be a nice side line, I would buy one.x

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Mattie


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It sounds as if Happy A was only there for a short time, but Happy M is living there.  Good going.



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Debilyn


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um when did you daughter and he become a we? (we're going to be rich)

As far as the gift, myself I would not have accepted it. For me it would be acting like i accept him, which I do not.

I am confused, I thought you wanted him to leave and you are paying the bills.This is all part of the disease. It makes us sick too and we give mixed signals.

When we choose not to be engaged with the A, then we do not. I see your allowing him to stay, accept gifts, then he things ok I am allowed to be here so I want sex. Which is normal for most men. He is honestly being who he is.

What are you going to do?



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