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We went out with AH today after he got back from his business trip. Upon seeing me, he said to me in front of the kids "useless, go die, ...". I ignored him. When he had lunch with one of my kid and he kept asking her about the move and her daily schedule. He told her that it was my fault that things have to be like this. My poor girl tried to defend me by saying she likes the current arrangement (which is a lie). After a few hours at the park, we had to leave. AH walked us to our car and looked on as we get ready to leave. I feel extremely sad because we are leaving him like this. Yet I know it is not my choice nor in my control. I spoke to her about being truthful about her feelings and leaving the problems to daddy and mommy on the way home.
Before we met up, he texted me again about staying for the night. I replied "No." He replied with "I am going to look for a prostitute,..." So far in our relationship, I believe he has not physically betray me but I know with the drinking, this will come.
I am just feeling very sad and needs a place to rant.
Reading this left me feeling "icky" and like I have to apologize for men in general. Wow.
I can only suggest boundaries that are comfortable for you. There are several points that, if it were me, I'd put forth boundaries.
1. "You think I'm useless and want me to die? That's verbal abuse and I'm leaving. Bye."
2. "The inappropriate discussion with our daughter has to stop. Until you can meet with her and be mature...Bye"
3. "You want to hire a prostitute? Well that shows me that I must have been just a sex object to you PLUS this is your general view of women? Double Bye!"
After the "Bye" part, I then would actually leave and not argue at all even though I know they would sling some verbal abuse on my way out for sure. Again...this is just me but you understand how boundaries work from this I hope. What is comfortable and right with you may be different but it's still boundaries. You set one by leaving him, you can also set more in your speech and communication. If our verbal boundaries do nothing, eventually we have to physically detach from someone so they can't hurt us (or our children).
Thanks pinkchip. I know I have to set this boundary. Will gather up enough resolution to do it the next time. Just really sad for my kids, my family, myself and him. I will have to prep my children about this.
I want to keep things as amicable as possible so that if we go through custody, it will be less fight. But this again is me trying to control the outcome many days in advance. I should really focus just on today.
Yeah, it is sad that he wants to strike out at you through your children, and treat you that way on top of it all. I used to believe if I gave my exAH enough sex he wouldn't stray, the truth is it didn't matter what I did, A's do what they are going to do no matter how much I enabled. Hard lessons here, but your awareness and program are good! Keep on keeping on and taking good care of you! Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
