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el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

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tiredtonite · Veteran Member

God only knows

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to agree with TT, el cee. Some of my character defects have been removed permanently. Others I've had to work on and work on and work on. I don't tend to look for a replacement for anything removed because the defect removed has usually just been covering up an asset that naturally emerges. There was a time I judged people who had been divorced. Once I went through my own divorce, judgment was replaced with compassion and understanding. I didn't do the replacing. It was just there for me - the compassion and understanding.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, I think ive been over thinking this and tying myself up in knots. Its a relief to know that it can be a natural thing rather than with set rukes and a definite way to do it. Whew.x

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

To me this is another meaning for 'Let go, Let God'. I love the relief of letting go as well.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

You can't remove all judgment. That would be unsafe. Sometimes we judge other people to not get hurt. It sucks that we need to sometimes look at persons or certain groups as dangerous but if you saw a mean looking dude walking towards you with his fists balled up, would you say to yourself "Oh, he must be having a bad day. Let me talk to him!" or would you say "That guy looks like trouble. I better get away or find someone to help me."? Anyhow, you just want the bad part removed. And even then...it won't go away completely because we only seek to grow along spiritual lines and we strive for progress, not perfection. Sometimes I notice character defects are like tomato plants. When you pluck one, another one pops up. We are just people trying to do our best each day.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

If I thought I could take away all my shortcomings I guess I would be perfect then wouldn't I. But I know that is NOT going to happen so I will work it out when I have a problem. I will reduce the stress, worry or resentment so I can live a better life.

" Let go Let God "

((( hugs )))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I have shaved off a lot of my rough edges working through the steps, but part of our human condition is there will always be work to be done and perfection is unattainable. When I get stressed some of my character defects come rushing back for a visit and well I can work through them a little bit quicker each time. I think the point is in the rescrubbing of these of layers, I have learned not to beat myself up. I actually realize I grow best in those uncomfortable moments and want to learn the lesson that is trying to come through and I don't need to punish myself for not being good enough, smart enough or without flaw any longer. The greatest al-anon gift I have found is enjoying the journey even in the heat of this messy life. I am getting better and better at it. Sending you love and support on your journey!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Maybe it was there all along in your heart, waiting for you to allow it to come out?

Or maybe you matured to the point it came after a long time of wanting it?

Also people who love themselves are no critical of others. I see it as a place you have come to where you like you better and are making yourself better in your eyes!

such a great thing! love! debilyn

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

On the subject of judgment: There is a difference for me between judgment and discernment. Judgment in my experience is deciding I know somebody's motives based on their actions. I can't possibly know what is in somebody's mind or heart. Discernment sees some behaviors that appear positive or troublesome to me and I do what I can to take care of myself because I do or don't feel safe or I feel comfortable/uncomfortable based on experience or because my intuition suggests I need to enter or to avoid a relationship that is/isn't right for me or is or isn't threatening to my wellbeing. In judging, I set myself apart from others and decide I know all about them and pronounce them either good or bad. In discerning, I decide what actions seem appropriate to apply at the time for me and act on them. I have worked among some pretty difficult people who on the surface can appear menacing. I have worked among some pretty good looking, well educated people. In the first group, my life has been saved or protected at times. In the second group, I've had to leave some situations because the people were nice to look at and unwilling to consider anything but their own gain. Discernment in both cases was necessary. Judgment would have damaged me and maybe them.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 16th of May 2014 08:54:39 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 16th of May 2014 08:56:10 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 16th of May 2014 08:57:18 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 16th of May 2014 09:02:12 PM

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

What im asking is how did you go about steps 6 and 7 and how did you feel about it? There is a point to the steps and we can get rid of our shortcomings or at least find ways to deal with them that is less hurtful to us. I know I cant be perfect but the steps say that when we are entirely ready to have a shortcoming removed then our higher power will help us remove it. It takes some action from us though. So im asking how you worked through it and what actiin did you take?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I know, el-cee. I was responding to a post at your thread about judgment that I think was in response to my sharing an example of how the 6th and 7th steps worked for me. The action I took that was actually God-inspired was to divorce my x and in doing that my judging of other people who were divorced changed to being compassionate and understanding of them. So, judgment was changed for me by my HP when I took the action to change my marital status at the time. With other character defects like pride in believing I don't need help in certain circumstances, I do have to work at that by reminding myself I am a human being who can't do everything by myself and must ask for help when needed. To use the same example, it took me awhile to realize that the hell I was living in when married wasn't something I had to continue to live in and my HP helped me recognize that truth and led me out of it. Fast forward about 35 years and I can still be in situations that are overwhelming to me and more than one person can handle alone and must be reminded to ask for help from my HP in simplifying my life or guidance on whom to ask to help me in areas that I don't have the knowledge or skill to handle.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.