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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Between sobriety episodes
Post Info TOPIC: Between sobriety episodes
wifeofalcoholic


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Between sobriety episodes
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Feeling sad - my AH has gone between the strength of sobriety and the defeat of drinking.  Days, weeks, months of sobriety, even years.  It started long ago in his teens - stopped when we married and then started up many years ago.  Just when I think he may be sober,  the demon surfaces.  The demon of addiction has caused disappointment, fractured self-esteem, sadness, detachment, undermining of the relationship and conversations that could be shared by a distant acquaintance rather than a husband and wife.  I have learned to detach to stay sane, to function,  but not my idea of a marriage.  He has to do his work - I have to do mine.  Yet the marriage has suffered.  Sometimes I think back to happier times and wonder if in years to come there will be no evidence of the good times left.  I'm tired of talking to my loved ones about it.   There is no use in going over it.  I don't discuss it with my husband anymore.  There is nothing left to say.  I have no energy to support him in words or actions.  I leave that to his support system in meetings. 



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ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

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I understand your sadness. My AH was sober for 15 years. Well, he was dry, not really sober and has never worked a program of recovery. I, too, have detached and I stay sane as best I can. What is it that you want for yourself? Only you can answer that. Sending you lots of support and hugs today, you are not alone!

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Struggling to find me......
Beatrice


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Wife I feel your pain...after 26 years of marriage and 7 more living apart, he passed away this passed July.

I read this and it made me smile, maybe it will bring you to some understanding, But "Life is to be enjoyed, not endured."

hugs, Bettina

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Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

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I read in one of my daily readers about merely surviving this life and well that is what I did for a lot of years, but I knew I wanted more. Keep taking good care of you. Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Is it at the point you don't enjoy being with him anymore? Will he not go out on dates or day trips? Or is it he really does not enjoy that?

He is an A, as we know they only progress in their disease, their insides are beat up from the abuse.

I am sad you are so  unhappy. It's hard, hard to face! I know what you mean about why talk about it anymore. But please let it out here, we understand and you need to vent!

Are you thinking of leaving the situation? Or are their options for you to go out and find fun on your own? Add to your life other things?

Its almost impossible to live with an A. Not one is going to blame you if you must step away. There are many kinds of marriages too, not all married people live in the same house or share the same bedroom.

I was satisfied to be more friends with my AH for months. I loved him so much all my life that it was not bad at all.

What would it take for you to be happy? Can you compromise and see if he will do things and enjoy it. I found my A hated leaving his routine and home work area. It made him nervous even though he was in recovery!

A true person in recovery, in my experince has tunnel vision and is very routine. they need that to stay sober on program. New stuff is NOT fun to them, challenges usually are not either.

Keep coming! love!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Between sobriety episodes