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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> re-visiting insanity
Post Info TOPIC: re-visiting insanity
Lyne


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re-visiting insanity
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Hi-I am having an experience this week that reminds me of the insanity that can exist with alcoholic, dysfunctional family members.  I am in the middle of trying to coordinate a group of my family getting to see my 91 yr old mother, probably for the last time.  It's too long to explain the entire situation because it started about 18 yrs ago.  So to sum it up, it involves people trying to help instead of paying the rent they thought they could, which resulted in alot of resentment and hard feelings.  It reached it's peak when one family member struck another, breaking his nose.  People were asked to leave the house, and a number of people have not spoken in all these years.  Very sad.

 

Now that the exiled part of the family would like to say goodbye to my mom, the person whose nose was broken wants an apology.  I need his acceptance of the visit to keep the active alcoholic in line, who has threatend to kill one of these people if he ever sees him again.  It's insane, right?

 

I find myself being strong most of the time, but there are moments that I feel anxious and/or angry that they just can't let it go and move on with life.  I wouldn't have gotten involved, but I feel spiritually it will be better for my mom and these family members to have some closure before my mom dies, and also, there are two very nice nephews who would just like to see their grandmother one last time.  I just have to remind myself of step 1 and the Serenity Prayer.  I can convey the messages but that is all.  Thanks for listening, Lyne



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Lyne
pinkchip


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Sounds to me like you volunteered for drama in your life. Why should you have to coordinate it so other adults do what is right by their relative? "Coordinating" sounds like code for fixing, controlling, and enabling. Screw them and their drama. Just do what is right for you in your relationship with your mom. That is all that is on your side of the street. Why invite unnecessary chaos into your life?

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grateful2be


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My family doesn't go to that extreme and some can get pretty ugly during highly emotionally charged situations like a parent aging/dying. My sponsor helped me through some pretty intense things by just being there with me for program work and sharing my experiences with her. She reminded me to stay in the day, focus on myself, accept that family members were who they were, not to take it personally and stick to what my true purpose was at those difficult times. It worked for me and helped me stay calm, clear and unavailable for any high drama. I realized that my family members could think, feel and behave any way they wanted to do it. That was on them. How I thought, felt and behaved was on me. I think it is sweet that you want to go spend time with your Mother. Having one person there to spend quality time with her can mean all the difference. They can all fight outside and you can get close to Mama and tell her things you love about her.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 14th of May 2014 05:27:04 PM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Debilyn


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ok what makes you revisit? Sounds to me those things are their obstacles, and remember we can only control ourselves?

Maybe you were just venting which is great.

I just will not play the game at all, I don' care if it is family or whoever. I do my part and that is it.

What makes you look at this stuff? I guess that is what I would ask me. hugs honey!



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milkwood


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Oh the dramas that we mere mortals create for ourselves!!
I hope that you and your mother are sharing special time together - so valuable imho. If others choose to put obstacles in the way of sharing then I guess that is up to them and their egos! You sound like you are coping well though, great awareness.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> re-visiting insanity