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Hello everyone, I am new to this site and would like to say "hello", as well as ask a question. I am finding myself a bit confused on the difference between al-anon and coda.When I was first introduced to al-anon many years ago, we were co-dependents, now it seems that is a totally separate program. Can anyone explain the difference? I know I belong in Al-Anon, but wondering about coda. Any help/information would be greatly appreciated.
Reeny It would probably be wise to check in on the CODA Board and ask this question.
http://coda.activeboard.com/
yea, Reeny, I am codepenent charisteristics of Coda are people pleasing...must be in control b/c to be out of control is terrifying to us....fear of abandonment so we put up w/unacceptable behaviour.....its is a co-dependent trait....or co-addict......doing everything to fill the emptiness inside....shopping...love addiction....eating to comfort........I would think most alanons and adult children of adult and dysfunctional families are codependent......putting our needs last and others first not out of pure love but to control/buy love/ not be abandoned.....I could go on, but you get my drift, hey????
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I think one difference is that people in CODA do not have to have alcoholics/addicts in their lives. That said, I think Al-Anon is also beneficial for people who don't have alcoholics/addicts in their lives. But there is definitely a lot of reference to alcohol etc. in Al-Anon, so people who don't have such people in their lives may get the false impression that Al-Anoners are different from them. So CODA might be more obvious a place to get support. But I think both offer support for co-dependency. That's how I understand it.
I started Al-Anon in 1979. We weren't referred to as anything in my area other than families or friends troubled by a loved one's drinking. There wasn't a word like codependent at that time. CODA Groups started later and were based on the 12 Steps with "The Language of Letting Go" being the reader written by Melody Beattie. CODA groups also seemed to die out in the late 90s in my area. Al-Anon is once again the main 12-Step group for families and friends troubled by a loved one's drinking although codependency is now a word that can be more frequently utilized than it was 30 years ago or so. Al-Anon and CODA are two separate 12-Step Groups as are AA and NA with AA and Al-Anon being the primary groups with the longest history.
I qualify pretty much across the board for ACOA, CODA and al-anon, but I mostly stay here. I believe whatever feels the most right to you and helps you to grow is where you could attend meetings and or mix it up to see where you feel the most at home. I am glad you are here. Sending you love and support on your recovery journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Hi I joined al anon 7 years ago due to my partners drinking and I joined coda 3 years ago. Why? Because I live with an alcoholic and have been affected by his disease. As I worked on myself in al anon I realised I was sick before I met him I chose him because I was co dependent I had been married to a gambler for 17 years. I need both fellowships for different reasons. Al anon to recover from the effects of living with a drinker and coda because I tick every box of their traits x I treys both and get so much in different ways hugs Tracy xxxx
I joined CODA first about 2 years ago. I found myself constantly talking about my AH and his drinking. I decided al anon was a better fit for me because it focuses on alcoholism. I think coda was beneficial because I was being codependent. I think if you are troubled by someone's drinking, AlAnon is a good place to go. If you have time...maybe going to both would be helpful so you can compare both groups.
Thank you all so very much for your replies. I think I may have overwhelmed myself by reading too much. I would have never thought I could do that! lol I am alcoholic/addict, as well as ACoA. I also married an alcoholic and came to al-anon. When he came out of treatment, he quit going to meetings and I did too. Huge mistake. That was 25 years ago. I ended up on anti depressants and graduated to anti anxiety medications, not recognizing the underlying problem. When a reaction to new medication due to another illness caused me to stop All medications, including the anti anxiety and the fog began to lift I finally realized what had happened. Although, my husband was still sober, that was the only change there was. He still behaved toward me like an alcoholic, and I of course, continued my own unhealthy ways of dealing with life. Today, I am trying to find the real me, and take care of her. This is being met by resistance like I could never have imagined from my husband, (although he says he is trying) and one of my children, now grown. My anxiety level is generally through the roof and I have a fear that is paralyzing. I cannot make myself go to a meeting. In the last several years I have isolated myself and am trying to work my way out of that which is what brought me here, and I'm so grateful to have found you all. Right now, an online meeting and reading, reading, reading is where I am. However, I "read" on one site "guidelines" of a co-dependent that were down right insulting. I have no problem, today, admitting who I am, and at the risk of sounding REALLY ill, am almost proud. Why? Because I have a HP that gave me a 12 step program for recovery and led me to it, not once but twice. As I've said, I know I belong in al-anon but the CODA was new to me. I have found an online recovery meeting, and I have been reading the coda and acoa groups right here on the miracles in progress web site. I have my literature, and still have my al-anon books from before. I will stay here - providing y'all will have me ;) - and grow in my program where I will once again be able to walk into a f2f meeting. Please understand, I know there is only warmth and welcome in the rooms of al-anon, but right now, I have trouble walking out my front door. Thank you all for your kindness and helpful replies
I don't know what the ticket means but I am glad you are in "the rooms" of MIP right now. Al-Anon fellowship is always strongly encouraged and we can only take one step at a time, one day at a time, towards that fellowship sometimes. For now, welcome aboard.
