The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He was 72 and an alcoholic. He latched on to a little bit of AA towards the end (in the last 3 years or so). His quality of sobriety was questionable because of being so doped up on meds that it still seemed like he was drunk much of the time and he half-assed it with no step work so he still flipped out periodically with his screaming and selfishness. My partner has a rocky history with him but nonetheless...it's his dad. It is strange to look back on the life of someone who has been an alcoholic and lived that long. I'm sure it contributed to his dying now rather than in his 80s or 90s, but it was more smoking related (lung cancer and COPD). He was not a very happy person. Very codependent, married and divorced 4 times. I'm not gonna say his life was wasted completely, but it could have been a lot more. It's sad. It goes to show that even "functional alcoholism" if you could term it that, is a horrible option as well. He had material wealth, but died largely alone without many people to say anything nice about him. He did seem at peace when we saw him last. The last thing he said to us when we visited at Easter was "I love you both" which is amazing considering all the history and issues he had with my partner, his being gay...etc. He was also nicer, calmer, and way more pleasant than EVER before so it does seem like he was ready. I do wish he had not had such a rough time with his alcoholism (2 rehabs and DTs several times). So my partner is sad and will probably be flying out today or tomorrow to go to Alabama to be with them. I can't go because of my new job.
I am so very sorry to read of this loss ,Mark. You and your partner's last conversation with his Dad is a treasured memory and one your partner will hold close to his heart forever.
I pray that, in time, the negative memories left by his alcoholism will lift and only this beautiful one will remain
I'm sorry for yours and your partner's loss. Prayers going out to you both. We are experiencing this right now too - abf's dad's memorial service is next weekend and he will be speaking. His father wasn't very kind to him as a boy so it's a struggle for him to collect memories to share with others. I've had to zip my lip concerning his father and be a good listener as he grieves. I'm sorry you aren't able to be there at the funeral to support of your partner due to your new job. Your partner can carry your love with him and find comfort in knowing you'll be there to come home to.
This disease rips people off in so many ways doesn't it? It's so sad. It sounds like his dad might have known his fate and with his hp's guidance may have been trying to complete unfinished business with the two of you before his death by assuring you both that he loved you. I'm betting life becomes very simple and what's important becomes very clear in those last hours.
With sympathy
TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
It is always so hard reflecting on the life of A's, its such a mixed bag of the good and bad. Hugs to you both! Sending you both prayers, love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
so sorry, Mark for you and your life partner...Sending hugs and peace to both of you....another casualty of this damned disease, not to mention the broken hearts they leave behind.....glad he told you two he loved you...He was at end of life so wanted to make that amend...I am glad he did before he passed........sooo sooo sad, but at least now he is free of the disease
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
So sorry for your loss. I wish you and your partner love and extra support while going through this grieving process. I hope his father is finally at peace.
Sending prayers for your and his comfort for your loss.
It's always shattering to lose a parent.
In our case, both of us are experienced at losing parents. We stayed close to each other and leaned on our HPs. Even though I didn't attend the funeral of one of his parents, I called and texted a lot. There is certainly plenty of time to stand by and provide support after the funeral trip. It takes as long as it takes.
Sad about the Dad, that he was sad most of his life. But at last you saw some peace in him in the end. Nearing death I suppose does make a person realize how they have lived and what they should have done different. Thank you for the post. As I am always in denial that I will die too, (amusing isn't it) but it brings out questions for me that ask me what am I doing with my life? What are my priorities? Am I making the world a better place to live? And last but not least am I truly enjoying the present moment.
Thank you Pink................og
__________________
Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
It is amazing how acceptance can soften even the most hardened or damaged heart. So touching to read that your partner's Dad could tell you both that he loved you at the end. He gave you something to share about him that was good. Even though it might have taken him a long time to get to the "heart of things," it appears to me that he did. Sending lots of prayers for your partner and for you, too, PC.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 10th of May 2014 02:37:30 PM
