You know when I look back at how things were between my exAH and I, it really used to bother me that I let so much go and didn't know any better. We got together when I was 17, that is only a year older than my oldest daughter. I came from abuse and dysfunction and had learned at a young age to walk on eggshells and was trained to work my butt off trying to please these manipulative sick people, that were miserable and usually unpleasable. Now that I am on my own, no things aren't perfect, but I am happy and I can breath. I don't feel all that old sad misery weighing me down, wondering if I could only fix things, but how. I am fixing things from the inside out of myself and I am feeling great for it.

In my last 3.5 years working my al-anon program, I have come a very long way and will continue, because things just keep getting better. I started nursing school 2 years ago and it hasn't been easy and I even failed a class and had to retake it and got an A in it this semester! I have resilience and know how strong and capable I am. I am putting the work into me and am greatly benefiting from my own energy and so are my kids and friends, who love and enjoy me. I have been told a lot lately what a great person I am and I believe people now.

Life isn't always easy, but I have been working really hard in school and raised my GPA back up, so now it erased my previous failure and I feel the same way with my last relationship, I got another chance after taking 9 months alone to do some work and got back into a much healthier relationship. I had settled with my last boyfriend for less than I deserved and I knew it after I pushed through and ignored a big red flag. These are all learning lessons and what do you know I have learned and am better for everything that has ever happened in my life. I am really starting to enjoy my journey more than ever.

I turn 36 at the end of this month and I am not fearful of growing old, I am embracing it and smiling letting the little moments sink in. I have lost 20 lbs in the last 4 months and am finding myself to be worthy of my love and efforts. It trickles to all those around me too, when my reserve tank is full it spills into my overflow tank and I can share that with the great quality friends I have surrounded myself with. I work out4- 5 days a week and have all semester even with full time school and part time work. I get to my al-anon meeting and I am not exhausted at all. I found my balance in it all somehow thanks to al-anon. I am functioning higher, because I am out of my head more and more.

This Summer I am traveling to Texas to see my childhood best friend and I am really excited to travel with my girls and see new places. My exAH when I told him said I needed to ask his permission to leave the State with them, I said Oh and I did, lol, he then said okay. I had to laugh and he said would I let him, I said absolutely to take our girls to do fun things, I am all for it. So I had to laugh, because even if it never happens I have given up the control of all of it. It doesn't even phase me anymore, because I am no longer living back there, I am right here in the moment and the present is good! You are worth it!!!! Sending you all love and support on your journey's!