The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I came to work.. I'm ok at this moment. I am praying to god that he guides my son through his journey and praying for peace. I truly have to say to myself over and over that I did not make choices for my son. He made his own. I have cleaned my side of the street with him and apologized for pain I caused him, but I don't feel that he needs to blame me everytime he relapses. I did not want him in the streets , I always found places for him but to be honest I am tired and he chosed to be homeless again. I did not chose that for him. I'm feel guilt .. Is this manipulation from the addict??
Dear Gaby I found that prayers for Courage, Serenity and Wisdom, relieved the burdens of this disease and provided me with much peace and alternate responses. The serenity prayer works
I think you can answer your own question about manipulation. It took me a while to learn when it happened but I'm pretty good at recognizing it now. I have also learn to not engage with my son about anything concerning his problems. I let go and let my son decide what to do next. They become pretty resourceful when they don't have somebody else that will do it for them.
You should not have any quilt for what your son does. He made the choice didn't he???? not mom.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
The way I have got to look at it with my son is, hes on his own path, hes making his own choices, whatever he chooses there are consequences, some good, some bad. They are all good for him and belong to him. Even though we look at the consequence and it looks like hell to us, its valuable, there are lessons, feelings, realisations, awareness attached to it. Being homeless may be what he needs at this moment in time gaby. When it gets too much for me and I project and worry I reach out to my sponsor or an alanon friend.x
Also, in my experience the addict will tell you anything to get what they want, they will lie, use fear, emotional blackmail, they will use the good in you, the kindness, the love, your worries, your guilt, use it all against you if it is a means to an end. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you or care about you or that hes bad, hes just sick and the sickness has got tools too. Its a battle in my view so you need to be on your game and have your recovery tools at the ready.x
((((Gaby)))) the manipulation only works when we participate with it. If we do not give it permission and participate it becomes only a vain, unsuccessful attempt and they learn the attempts are failing to work like they use to. ((((hugs))))
You know when I am feeling like crap and stuck in my "me me me and my pain" etc., which i do, at times, when I am not working my program, I MAKE me get up...get on the boards and READ....READ the other folks posts....Then I answer the ones I can....and before I know it, I am not only feeling better, taking my power back, I am also learning NEW techniques from the ones who are "doing ok" what they did to progress....
what does your sponsor say about all this???? are you working the 1st 3 steps??? There are meets here every night...U going to tonight's meet??? I usually go "next door" or other places, but meets are the thing when I am really needing that industrial strength "push" to get me on the right path..... the 12 steps and a good sponsor could help you work on detachment, taking your life back.......Read the other mom's who are progressing in recovery and reach out to them......thats what I do and I feel a whole lot better when I am inter relating w/others........How do you think i cope with my 2nd daughter??? I do it working my alanon, working on me, diving into the steps to see my part in my unhappiness w/her, talking what I learned from the steps out w/my sponsor or my recovery mates AND getting into the meetings....Reaching out to fellow aca's and alanons and the codas.........reading, responding IN ADDITION to my steps/sponsor work/meets allows me to see I am not alone and it also gives me insights on my stuff......
all that prayer is "ok" but like Betty said she does the serenity prayer and so do I...I find doing the "S" prayer helps me kinda "release" but its up to me to use tools that Creator gave me to fix my life.........Creator gave us alanon community and its components to use....Creator led me to 12 steps but he/she is not gonna baby sit me..its up to me to drink or not t drink....I have a huge bookcase and one entire shelf is recovery books to read in tandem w/my 12 steps work so my sponsor and i can really get into the stuff we need to...I have , also, a recovery mate with whom I share and we work our program together.....
I feel so much better when i surrender to program and what it says will maximize my recovery
Peace
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Did you do anything fun for you today, Gaby? Treat yourself to a lunch out that you ordinarily wouldn't eat. Listen to the birds chirping or feel the wind in your hair. Doing things like that for myself help get me out of a slump and help me find more things to put on my gratitude list, too. Today I saw on a TV show that researchers have discovered that people who spend consistent time with friends work out of depression 72% or 75%(I can't remember which) of the time. Maybe a movie with a good friend and a coffee chat about the movie following might be a good treat?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 8th of May 2014 08:29:09 PM
Did you do anything fun for you today, Gaby? Treat yourself to a lunch out that you ordinarily wouldn't eat. Listen to the birds chirping or feel the wind in your hair. Doing things like that for myself help get me out of a slump and help me find more things to put on my gratitude list, too. Today I saw on a TV show that researchers have discovered that people who spend consistent time with friends work out of depression 72% or 75%(I can't remember which) of the time. Maybe a movie with a good friend and a coffee chat about the movie following might be a good treat?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 8th of May 2014 08:29:09 PM
oh ya know, Grateful, I felt kinda "icky" on Sunday, last.....went to club, swam and by the time i was done, i felt sooo much better...met a very nice young mom there and we were trading exercise moves we learned......doing something nice for me...the other night, i went out in back yard...sat with the dogs and listened to the crickets.....crickets mean summer is coming....i loved listening to them....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
