The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My sister in law, who has been drinking for 40 years, has been diagnosed with alcoholic keytoacidosis and released from the hospital. One more drink could kill her. She is resisting any recovery program. She is walking that fine line between life and death. Even after spending 4 days in the hospital, hooked up to tubes and machines and alarms. We had a family meeting last night. She was stoic. While everyone else's heart is breaking and tears are flowing, She just sits there and says what she thinks we want to hear. Her 24 year old daughter said to her, "dont make me bury both my parents in the same year" and she was emotionless. I am so fearful. I have been attending alanon meetings and have been trying so hard to understand and practice the steps. I needed to write this down and lift it from my shoulders, giving it to God, but my heart is so heavy. I can't help but feel that she is losing her battle with alcohol.
-- Edited by Peggy53 on Thursday 8th of May 2014 07:16:05 AM
Dear Peggy, I am so very sorry to read of your SIL's condition. Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless.
Al anon is a fellowship of people who live with or have lived with the disease of alcoholism. In al anon we learn to break the isolation caused by living with the disease. We share our experience strength and hope , keep the focus on ourselves, live one day at a time, , trusting that there is a loving Higher Power who will guide our lives and the life of our loved ones.
I am glad that you are attending and urge you to give her children the literature in hopes they too will attend
You've all said what you could say and done what you could do. Although my Dad didn't die of alcoholism, he did choose to die rather than to continue to live in his mortal body. It made it easier for me to accept his decision and just be there with him as a daughter willing to offer palliative care and comfort as he did what he believed he needed to do for himself and his life. My siblings, nursing staff and I all asked Dad what he wanted and didn't want while he could still voice it. We knew he meant what he said even though his brain wasn't working as sharply as it once did. We tried to encourage him to view his life in a different way once. After that, we supported his decision without interference other than to do what was necessary to help him die as he wanted to die with his family near him and no heroic measures. Although he was uncomfortable, he wasn't in much pain as the body continued its shutting down process. His only pain killer was Tylenol. When he became anxious or panic-y, it took only the words: "I'm here, Dad. You're not alone. You're safe." and a gentle rubbing of his arm to help him return to peace. I can't help but wonder if his death was relatively pain-free and non-drugged because nobody was arguing with what he wanted for himself?
Forty years of a poison coursing through the bloodstream and all the organs to include the brain may be more than she wants to deal with anymore? Has she been able to voice what she truly wants now? If not, maybe it would be a comfort to her to be asked what she wants for herself and her life now?
I had to except and kind of think my son was dead to let go. It was a death in my eyes. I still have to think of it that way because he is also not interested in recovery. Yes he tries but nothing comes of it.
It's so hard to watch somebody kill themselves and it's heartbreaking but it is what it is and nothing in this world will you or anyone else can do unless they want it.
I would say just be kind and loving and pray for her and take care of yourself and make peace within.
Prayer for you and your family..
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Its such a taker this disease. Its so sad. I really like what grateful suggests. Letting her go, if she continues drinking until she dies then there is nothing anyone can do to stop her. It might be better for everyone to let her go and treat her with kindness and courtesy, often this is the best we can do in most situation with alcoholics. I would recommend alanon meetings for yourself and your neice.
I have my best buddy brother who refuses recovery, drinks regularly and if his drinking is not arrested with rehab, sobriety and program, i will be facing what you are.....there is absolutely nothing we can do if they don't want to live....nothing....
i spoke w/him today, hes on his way to calif. to pick up a big monster truck and he was drinking, i could tell , i didn't say a word...words don't do it for them....like Cathy said, its basically they are gone, but the body hasn't caught up yet...............sooo sad
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Not sure who your niece was talking to when she said "please don't make me bury both of my parents in one year" but I'm hoping she was saying that to her HP and not to you. There is NOTHING you can do to get your sister in law to stop drinking. You are not God. Alanon will help you to not live in fear. Fear will stop you from maximizing the joy you have in the moment....in today. Everything happens for a reason. Sickness and yes - death - happen too. It's horrible, but she's not dead yet so try not to live in the future. Also, in every loss there's an opportunity to bond, support, and get closer to your fellow survivors of the loss. In other words, nothing is gonna take away the pain from this completely, but perhaps your niece is going to now turn to you as more of a mom and that can be a beautiful gift for both of you. There is good that comes out of bad. It balances out and that is what helps me not live in fear, but acceptance and hope.
Thank you all for your words of understanding. It really helps me to hear your stories. I feel your prayers and kindness toward me. I will continue with Alanon (my father was in AA for 40 years and my mom is proof that alanon works).
My sil has 4 siblings. We had another family meeting last night without her. You must know how hard it is to get 4 people on the same page as to how to handle this. Since I grew up with and attend meetings, they have deferred a lot to me and the wisdom I have acquired thru alanon. They wanted to take away her car keys. I asked why? They are afraid she will go out and buy a bottle. Did the hospital release her with restrictions? No. Then who are we to put restrictions on her. She claims to have had a epiphany (yeah right) well if she has let's hope that it is still with her and she wont buy that bottle. If she does, then that is her choice. We have changed her emergency family contacts to a sibling that is not convenient and if there is a problem she will have to call 911 and go thru whatever the emergency is ALONE. She drinks alone and she alone is the only one who can save herself. She wants to return to work. With her alcoholic brain she doesn't get that after 4 episodes in as many weeks that her company has been documenting the situation and will probably terminate her. Loss of a job, if that doesn't drive her to binge maybe it will get her to rehab. HOPE!!
Personally I am a caregiver for the elderly, as I lift them daily, they lift me twice as much. I have much gratitude in my life and that is my saving grace.
SHE WENT INTO A RECOVERY PROGRAM!!! I hope she gets something out of it. What I get is 28 days of worry free birthdays and holidays coming up. I am happy and that's what I want to be!!!
