The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been on this roller coaster since 2004 with my AH son. Three years ago he was in rehab for a month and his girlfriend stood by him. After learning all about co-dependency, I believe she has been co-dependent on him since then. She had great hopes and dreams and has finally had enough.
Things have reached a tipping point and he expected to be able to come home if or when she throws him out. My husband and I told him that would not be possible. It has taken us a very long time to get to this point and it was so very hard.
I am not an active participant on this board but I read daily and am so grateful for all of you and wish you all the very best wherever you may be in this journey.
This is a "do" program. It works when you work it and the consequences are always different than when I don't. When I don't life gets crazy; when I do I get to experience that last word in step two. Good for you and your husband. I'd suggest Al-Anon for his girlfriend and then turn it back over to HP as again in step two. ((((hugs))))
I had to say no to my son too. Its one of the hardest things I have had to do and it took me a long time to get here but I know its the right thing for all of us. My life has the same value as his. I have the right to a peaceful life and so I claimed it for myself. He cant live with me. My door is still open, I have managed to keep the relationship alive but I have detached with love from him and his isms. They have the power to take my life from me.
For him, I think saying no is a good healthy message, he gets the chance to work out what to do for him, he gets the knowledge and confidence that he can take some control over his life if he chooses. Its his best chance at growing up and your best chance of serenity.x
I'm sure you did the right thing. I am still new in this program, and my wife is my qualifier. I have the utmost respect for everyone here whose kids are qualifiers and still retain (or regain) their sanity and serenity. I'm so glad you have been able to use the tools that were provided with.
Update - Son threatened to take an overdose of pills whilst I was away and reading the text messages between my husband and son I can see it was textbook manipulation. My husband hasn't quite got to the same point as I have and although he is on board with loving detachment, he found it much harder in practice than when reading about it.
Son was taken to the hospital by the police as it was feared he would harm himself. I don't know what comes next but he will have to figure it out for himself now. I was away from home for 2 weeks and now I will strive to help my husband with the steps.
Sending you all much love and support. You will never know how much peace I find by visiting here.
I am happy that your doing the right thing for you and your husband. I'm also happy the police took control to help your son. Outside help is what your son needs because you and your husband being to close to the situation I think its better for all concerned.
You, your husband and son will be in my prayers.
You are not alone .... (((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
