The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I need some ESH. I left my exA 2 years ago. Classic code/alcoholic relationship. Horrifying, painful, assaults, etc..just name it...it was probably there.
I have not seen him or spoken to him.
But, it appears that I am still afraid. I had a cluster this weekend of mutual friends. These were his drinking buddies. I was out being me in both situations. I started to walk the into an art gallery, and I saw one of them from a distance. Time got all swirly and weird. Cue flight response, and zoom and Im turned around back in my car. Tonight, I went to a friends' s birthday celebration at a bar for karaoke night. My friend and I dont drink. Were totally there for the karaoke. And my exAs old roommate showed up. This one got me REALLY hear. Time REALLY went wonky. I know this one is violent. I barely said bye to my friend, and I blazzzzzzed out of there. My fight or flight was rushing I in my ears. I packed up and left inside and out. Zoooooomm.
So here's where I need some help. My recovery side says thst I am free to go and do as I please. What other people think of me is none of my business. I gave away my power. Etc...
But my body disagrees. And all I can seem to do is run.
Im pretty angry with myself right now. Am I just in an in between place? Anyone have any experience with this? I live in a town where it is NOT impossible that I speak to people who know him everyday. In fact, I know I do. I talked to one of the people I ran away from's mother the other day and she knows exactly who I am. And it didnt bother me.
Hi CDK I can so understand the fight or flight syndrome. I think that you remembered to take care of yourself and handled the situation well.
The steps especially 4 through 10 were developed to help us clear up the wreckage of the past. It is amazing how powerful they are and how they work. I can now remember frightful incidences from the past without feeling the feelings and can express myself in a constructive manner.
Getting with you sponsor doing this fourth through ninth step on this issue would help.
. Keep coming back and sharing the journey
Al-Anon is a big help to me and so was the support and guidance of trained therapists and counselors when it came to abuse issues. Physical abuse and torture are separate issues from alcoholism and its affects although abuse can also be intertwined in alcoholic-affected relationships. To me, our healing is worth every means of genuine help available and domestic abuse issues can be aided by Al-Anon and other supports and healing modalities. If the body is screaming "Get out of here," it knows what it is talking about and I'm glad you listened.
The fact that your body got you our of there, yet afterward you can think it through instead of staying frozen - that sounds to me like you are trying to keep yourself safe, but perhaps through vestigial survival patterns. I know one of the miracles of Alanon is tp get rid of vestigial survival means. I haven't been all the way through this, so I have to defer to longer-term and wiser folks like Betty and Catherine above.
One question though - is the survival pattern truly vestigial? Are these people that you are running into possibly dangerous, or still dangerous, at least to you? If so, getting out of there may still be the wisest thing to do. We aren't giving away power if we choose to keep ourselves safe.
Thank you everyone. I've been reaching out to my F2F family and friends and reading here. I'm getting the same responses.
1. Don't beat yourself up about it. You're human. If your body said to move it, then moving it was appropriate at this time.
2. Continuing to work the 12 steps will be very helpful.
3. Time takes time.
4. Coming up with an internal box of comfort will also be helpful when bumping into people.
4. It may be time to see a specialist outside of my meetings to sort thru potential ptsd issues surrounding my assault and abuse by the exA. I also have an "was I raped or not" scenario with my exA that is sitting in my mind. I am grateful for this experience for that reason...I really didn't understand the depth of my fear and how intensely my body is holding on to it.
The first friend I ran into at the art gallery, I believe is something I can eventually work thru and be in the same area and not have to run away from my life.
The one from last night, not so much. I've seen his handiwork. He is not above physical confrontation, and he is unpredictable when drunk. Maybe if I saw him at the grocery store, but not at a club. Nope. Nope. No.
My therapist retired, and I didn't replace her. I am making a phone call today thru my work insurance to get set up with a counselor/therapist. I will ask to see one familiar with PTSD, Al Anon, and ACA. I'm about to do my Step 4 thru the ACA program. I will likely need the extra support as I did up memories.
I'm also considering taking an EFT class I found this summer.
Thank you again for listening. It is such a comfort knowing this place is here. Sending you all love and light. Good to see some of these faces again. :) Such a blessing.
(((CDK))) Thanks so much for the update and the summary of what was offered that you have checked out with your self. Please come back again soon and let us know how you're doing!
