You are sure on the right track. So hard with our kiddo's. Sad truth is I do not believe in kids making those decisions. Since mom is drinking, for me it is NEVER safe for them to get in a car with her. never. We cannot always tell when they are drunk, plus there are other things about A's especially when they are using that they should not drive.

Even the law need breathalizers.

I know it makes it harder on you, but I see you are ready to take it on. For me my precious kids would NEVER get into a vehicle with her, never.

You don't want to ever go through losing your babies, or have her wreck and kill others babies with or without your kids in the car. hugs and welcome!! debilyn

 

Aloha Brother and welcome to the board...being a double winner means that there are a lot of tools in your tool box with the experiences on how to use them.  With 6 years of sobriety you have tons of knowledge about the chemical and the body, mind, spirit and emotions and therefore with your personal experience any denial about what she is going thru should be small.  I am also a double.  I knew what my spouse was going thru when she was going thru it because I had also gone thru it myself...first hand ESH...the grace of the matter was that I  had lived to have and keep the memories of the relationship with alcohol.  When I woke up ...I literally woke up and the awareness overwhelmed me.  I got into recovery and realized I had lived most all of my life as a drinker and spouse of an alcoholic/addict on pure luck.  HP brought me to the rooms now...to honor the program and my recovery I will do life differently while knowing that it will require more courage.

Breathalyzer??  Hell yes!!  I have to be fair, honest and just.  If I would agree that any other drinker who attempts to live in my atmosphere under the influence needs to know and let others know that they are under the influence I will also impress that upon my family.  It's like a boundary that is without question.  Alcoholism is a fatal disease from the first drink and that doesn't mean to only the drinker.  My near fatal escapades while under the influence that may have cost the lives of many others (that I was aware of...not only the ones I wasn't) brought it home later in recovery; the disease needs to be arrested within all drinkers/alcoholics. 

I use to do DUI presentations as a part of service and geeeez we are sooooo obvious.  We know the language and we know the message and we have the experiences and while we are still drinking it doesn't matter.  Booze matters and everything else is hindsight and luck and/or special fatherly attention of my Higher Power.

My thought force today is "arrest it"!!  which ever way I can...I've seen more than enough destruction as a result of the bottle and a multitude of victims had never taken a drink.

Good on you getting into he face to face rooms...Double winners have twice the understanding and for me then twice the responsibility...In support...keep coming back.   ((((hugs))))   

Welcome PleaseGodNoMore

 Congratulations on six years sobriety and for attending face-to-face Al-Anon meetings. It certainly sounds as if you're using all the tools available to keep your center and your family's well-being front and center .You do know that alcoholism is a progressive illness over which we are powerless.

Possibly suggesting that your children do not ride in the car might work There are alateen meetings held in most communities and I suggest your children check these out and try at lest 6 different meetings to see if they can find the support that they do need.

Please keep coming back here as well, You are not alone.

I have used before and after care at my daughters school to help me care for her. I have friends help me drive her places. In the past when I lived with my AH I would call him and make sure he sounded "ok" before he picked her up. It's so stressful to live like that. I was in almost constant fear. Can your kids get rides from friends or go somewhere after school until you can get them?

Welcome and I'm glad you have found us.

I agree that it is too much for the kids to manage.  It is hard enough for us to stand up to alcoholics, so for a 13- or 15-year-old trying to defy their parent -- very hard and painful.  And the price of a mistake is too terrible to think about.

I simply made a rule that my child cannot ride with an alcoholic.  Imagine if your wife had left, or had a broken leg and couldn't drive, or whatever ... you'd find a way to get the kids around.  The only safe way is to find a way now.  Even if your wife starts out sober, she could easily no longer be sober by the time it's time to bring the kids back.  And assessing when someone has been drinking is tough for all of us they are so secretive and full of denial.

This is a tough situation.  Do you have a meeting?  Take care of yourself and your kids.  I hope you'll keep coming back.

Also, your kids have a double genetic link to alcoholism and increased likelihood of forming future relationships with alcoholics. Better that they learn that alcoholism has consequences than to modify their behavior to suit the alcoholic.

Wow, lots of wise comments here. Thank you so much for your insights and caring. Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for our family and I really needed some Al-Anon support and to get some things off my chest. Very grateful to be able to type them out and receive experience, strength and hope in return.

The irony of seeing the disease from the other side, as the spouse, is not lost on me. What I put this woman through for so many years, no one deserves that. Thank God I live a different way today. I trust God to work it out in her.

It is clear that I've placed too much on my teen aged kids. They so badly don't want to hurt their Mom's feelings, they really just want this whole crappy situation to go away. They are starting to realize it ain't going away, that it's going to get worse before it gets better. If it gets better. They've agreed to go to Alateen once school is out, AW will trip all over that when all 3 of us are out seeking recovery.

Thanks again for the awesome words.