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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Back. Think I lost myself for a bit...
Post Info TOPIC: Back. Think I lost myself for a bit...
SpiderArcana


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Back. Think I lost myself for a bit...
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Hey there everyone.  Things have, mostly, been good. But just recently I have felt old habits creeping in. I suspect drinking on his part, and not taking care of my own needs on mine.  And the co-dependency...holy crap. 'See that old guy over there, how he's kinda haunches over? That's why you need to stand up straight.'  Who says that kind of crap to their husband?  His problems I can do nothing about except remind him of my boundaries, and the consequences for crossing them.  For me, I need to remember to take care of myself.  The hardest part is that I have a hard time defining what I need, or what I want.  That's always been my probLem. I've based so much of my own happiness on other people, not just my AH.  There's a song I heard recently - Stranger to My Happiness.  It's been running around in my brain for the past few days, with good reason, I think.  

I really don't understand why finding happiness is so difficult.  It's not rocket science.  



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grateful2be


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Hi. Good to see you again. Strong awareness in your post. I once read that happiness can be seen as setting a goal and reaching it. Seems to me that you've agreed to progress but not perfection by showing up for meetings and MIP. That's a goal. 

"I can see how you need to improve" is a cultural thing for us. Constant bombardment through advertising and warnings issued by governmental agencies, medical and dental associations and talk show hosts goes on constantly. Many of us just sleepwalk through all of that stuff. Maybe you woke up to it when you realized you were seeing a hunched over man who you thought had a problem that your husband might develop if he didn't stand up straight? I think that is a reason to celebrate - not beat yourself up. Just think how many programmed problems aren't that anymore when we realize just how negative and destructive those kinds of judgments can be for us. I think you're progressing just fine and isn't that one of your goals?  I've struggled with the same stuff, so I'm progressing right along with you.  That helps me feel happy.   (((S)))



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 3rd of May 2014 10:04:28 PM



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 3rd of May 2014 10:06:19 PM



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 3rd of May 2014 10:13:18 PM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
hotrod


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Glad to see you back Spider . I think that Happinesss is found often and disappers quicky. I think working on serenity,and recovery that I have found much Happiness as a by product of that effort.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


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Who says that kind of crap to there husbands?  Caring wives do and often if they breach their husbands boundaries the caring becomes controlling and contradicting.  Often times it isn't meant that way and the consequence is the proof in the pudding.  I get that here at home and then I take it for what it is worth...sometimes I respond "thank you" other times I let it pass sometimes I've responded "You don't have an excuse not to love me" and walk away.  This is a great inventory subject...try doing one on it.   Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile



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milkwood


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Hey Spider - great to see you ((((hugs))))).

I'm going to look up that song you mention because, boy, I had no idea that I had any needs or wants for close on fifty years - I wonder if I was just projecting them onto others instead of taking ownership of them for myself? See, now you've got my grey cells working on a whole new thought process, darn it!!

I love that phrase 'its not rocket science' and use it often (along with 'now where did they put the manual?' !) Do you think that if all the rocket scientists in the world got together they would be able to find happiness? They might find their own version of it, but I'm not sure that their formula would work for little 'ol I!

Take care friend

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Fifi


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Thanks for posting. My first day back in years and this is just what I needed to see. OMG. I say that crap! glad you are here. 



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SerenityRUS


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Hugs SA .. glad you are back and taking care of you!! Good awareness .. keep coming back :) S :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
el-cee


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For me, the only way I can hold onto this philosophy that gets me serenity is to practice it everyday, otherwise it fades and becomes a memory and before you know it its back to square one. It takes practice and commitment everyday of your life I believe.

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SpiderArcana


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I think it's difficult for me because there are portions of our lives in which he fully participates, and others that he just acts like his drunk self. For the most part I know what to expect, and I can read him quite well, but then he'll surprise me either positively or negatively. It keeps me tense and on alert, which is not the best way to be in a relationship. Also, I still haven't learned to ask for help, or for what I need. One day at a time.

Also, that song is by Sharon Jones: www.youtube.com/watch


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