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I dont even know where to start. He has been drinking heavily for 10 years. He is now 35. Still lives with my mother who is on disability. She pays all of the bills with the little bit of money she gets & he doesnt give her much to live there. His paycheck goes to alcohol. He walks all over her & she lets it happen. I have tried to get her to move in with my husband & I but she wont do it. She is worried about her precious baby boy being alone & not being able to care for himself. I am at wits end. He doesnt drive & she cant drive anymore. So it is left on my husband & I to take her to her appointments & the grocery store. 6 months ago my brother attempted to quit drinking. He didnt touch a drop for 24 hours & suddenly had a violent seizure at work. Doctor advised him to wean himself slowly off the alcohol. He did this for a few weeks & was back to his usual self in no time. Any advice is appreciated. I am seriously thinking of getting a life insurance policy for him . Yes its that bad.
Insurance companies ask "alcohol" questions and he can be disqualified for abuse and/or addiction. Sorry you are going thru this with your mom and husband. Alcoholism is a family disease which affects everyone it comes into contact with. AA, alcoholism counseling, rehabilitation and the like can help him and only if he is willing. If he is not and in denial the problem will only get worse. It preys on mothers love and attention and kindness and often times will hurt the family as bad or worse than it does the drinker. My suggestion for you and the family if they are also willing is to find the Al-Anon hotline number in the white pages of your local telephone book and give that a call to find out where and when we get together in your area. Yep...we are everywhere that the disease seems to be...because even while we haven't "Caused it" and cannot "Control it" or "Cure it" we can change our reactions to it. This family is also here for you...keep coming back reading and sharing. In support (((((hugs)))))
Hi. My family is affected by alcoholism even though my parents were not drinkers. Unfortunately, there is usually nothing we can say or do that will change the drinker or the enablers in the family in my experience. It's like trying to get a dog to meow. Al-Anon does help us who are bothered by a loved one's drinking and don't have to wait until things get worse - which they will - as the disease progresses in our loved one(s). In my FOO, there are multiple As who know they are and don't want to do anything about it. Al-Anon helps me accept them as they are to the best of my ability and avoid being destroyed myself by the disease. I do hope you will find a meeting and attend for at least six times before you decide if Al-Anon is for you. Attending the same meeting for six times or trying different meetings in your area to find the group right for you is something that is suggested by those of us who are members of the program. Please keep coming back here, too.
I'm surprised nobody suggested AA to him. It blows my mind how hard people make getting sober by just refusing to get into recovery and thinking they can just stop on their own. That being said - I also tried to avoid AA and stop on my own for years and didn't get sober til age 36.
I am wondering since your mother is reliant on you for transportation and she seems easily suggestible to the negative if she might be just as likely to go along with this plan:
You pick up mother and say "Hey, before shopping, I want to go to this alanon meeting. You can come in with us."....or something of that variety. That might be a good way to just plan the alanon seed for her. In the meanwhile, what can you really control here? The things I stated above are for the 2 sickest people, but that doesn't mean this isn't dragging you down and making you sick too. You also could benefit from some face to face alanon. In the end, if your mother and brother are determined to carry on this toxic and enmeshed relationship, there's not much you can do and alanon will be your saving grace.
The next time he does want to stop drinking please let him know he can't do it himself. I would suggest a Detox Center for a week and then AA. My son would never been able to just quit on his own. He would have seizures and much more if he tried on his own. Every time he had to go to the ER and from there a Detox Center.
My son is now in jail for his 3rd. DUI and awaiting his sentence for prison. He's going to get 1-3 years. I think about it being a long term rehab. A good long time to dry out and hopefully except prison therapy help. Oh....4 weeks into his jail sentence he had a seizure so it takes time for the brain to get back to normal and the seizures to stop.
Take care of you and your mother and yes try Al-anon. Al-anon is where I finally let go, quit enabling and let my son take over his life and realize the consequences of his choices. It's his journey not mine...
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
