Need advise on proper response - Al-Anon Family Group

Sallygcoe · Veteran Member

Need advise on proper response

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Sally Just as we are powerless over others THEY are just as powerless over our actions and behavior. As you are aware .Alanon is a recovery program for people who live with the disease of alcoholism. It was founded by he wife of the founder of AA when she discovered that she still had the anger, resentment and fear developed over years of living with the illness.

Breaking the isolation by connecting with others who understand as few others can is an important part of that recovery. Using the tools, working the Steps getting a sponsor are all important to helping YOU rebuild your self esteem and self respect. This is what I would tell my son or anyone who asked and tell them, as well, that my going to alanon is not up for discussion , They are free to object if they like I will still keep taking care of myself

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

My son would say Al-anon was a form of mind control and they would just destroy me. I told him oh well that's what I want to do and it keeps me sane so let go and let God ....son. He now accepts it and I'm better in regards to him and he has noticed and thanks me for my kindness and understanding.

Like Betty said it's not up for discussion...

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon is for us and we don't have to explain why we go or even say that we go. It's the disease throwing the fit. I've learned that I don't need to do anything about my A's fits - except remove myself from the drama. Glad you went to your meeting and plan on continuing to go.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Sally,

Alanon has been a lifeline and I'm so grateful! Living or exposure to a loved one with this disease is much too much for most of us to handle alone. Alanon provides support from others who understand, different perspectives, new skill sets, and more.... all so incredibly valuable. So, I'm glad to hear that you know that Alanon will help improve your situation.

I've often seen the As become upset when confronted with change or the potential for change. It is part of the disease to want to remain in control and for things to continue down a destructive path. I have come to believe that their anger is part of the disease and manipulation and is not personal. I spent many years explaining and over-explaining myself and my choices, but my efforts didn't clarify or persuade others to deviate from what they wanted to believe whether they believed in a truth or not. I am now ok with my choices to take care of myself without providing explanations and I know that if my family members want to be angry and stay angry that there is nothing I can do about it.

Keep coming back- this program works!

deacon · Senior Member

My son was not overjoyed to hear that I was going also. He said that " You already have unrealistic beliefs about alcohol and alanon would only strengthen them". Hubby also was not too happy as he felt that I was airing my family's dirty linen. I very calmly told them that I was going for me and me alone. That I was getting some tools to deal with the situation because it was killing me. I also told them that this was about me and not them. They were making their choices and I can make mine.

Really going did not influence my son in any way that I can see but my husband is walking very carefully around me these days. He is still drinking but not nearly as much and he is hiding it ( yeah right!). But I think he senses that I am moving toward a future that does not have people drinking in it and that love is just not enough any more. I deserve better.

Sallygcoe · Veteran Member

What you said about they are making their choices and I can make mine is very helpful . I am going to use that if he says anything to me. Thanks a bunch!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

What a powerful inspiring group...I love being in this family and I love hearing that they are as powerless as we are...balances everything out nicely. ((((hugs)))) smile

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Great replies! No response necessary IMHO. Keep taking good care of you. ((((hugs))))

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

what worked for me was , your drinking /drugging is causing ME a problem , so I am getting help for myself. Louise

Sallygcoe · Veteran Member

Oh I like that a lot! I'm gonna use it! Thanks

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My ex AH before he went really crazy told me Al Anon was hated by most addicts. He however encouraged me. I learned so much about being an addict from him being so open and willing to share with me when he was on program.

I feel it depends on your situation too. For me, I would look at them incredulously and say,"Um when have you seen me allow anyone tell me what to do not not do?"

Our family did not say the word should. We were not into trying to change each other or pointing out things. But if we did question something, we came out and asked.

Your son seems to be pushing boundaries with you. Again I believe in teaching others how to treat me. A simple Honey I love you, I am going to meetings for me.

hugs, glad you are here! debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.