The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I went to the store. I saw Easter cards. I wanted to purchase some for my son, my daughter, my grandson and my Dad. Then, I remembered - there is no need to buy him an a card. He isn't here anymore. He's gone. Memories of many years and many shopping trips and many cards and gifts I purchased for my Dad and mental plans I made to spend Easter holidays surfaced with him in some way. At home, I wanted to call him again - my usual Sunday work. Then, I remembered again - "He isn't here anymore. He's gone. I can't call him." Memories of the sound of his voice, the things he'd say when I'd call, the times he'd driven up to stay with me for Easter, the hyacinths he'd bring for me because he knew I loved the flowers. I went to my garden to see the ones I'd planted that he might have brought me standing straight and tall but not yet fully open - maybe waiting for Easter Sunday? I felt darkly empty then - remembering there'd be no more flowers exchanged from Dad's hands to mine. No more smiles to share.
Then, I opened a book that requires a last chapter read for tonight's book club meeting. I came across an anonymous quote: "When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen...there will be something solid for us to stand on, or we will be taught to fly."
I have always been blessed with a Dad at Easter and I have always been grateful for that blessing. This is a new year and a new Easter without my Dad. I believe that even though the light of his life has left mine, the memories can be a blessing for me, the darkness of mourning will pass, and the light of new life will reveal its gift to me in its time.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 13th of April 2014 04:08:35 PM
I love that quote grateful. It sounds like step 2 and 3 to me. I can relate to that strange feeling of the person not being there. When my mum died, 10 yrs ago this year, I remember thinking well where is she, she must be somewhere and it took me a whike to realise that shes in me, thats where she is. Sometimes I can see her right in the mirror or I can hear her in my own voice and words. I can even smell my mum at times and I take this is a reminder that shes always close.x
How beautiful to be able to remember your father every time you see and enjoy the scent of those hyacinths, thank you so much for sharing with us.
I have the same thing with roses, and also with Sundays since it is the day that Mum and I used to talk on the phone. I remember my folks everyday, they never leave me and they live in me as well as in the bedside table photographs . Only difference is that now, when I hear my father's advice, it seems so much easier to take. He would be amazed to hear that btw!!
. Only difference is that now, when I hear my father's advice, it seems so much easier to take. He would be amazed to hear that btw!!