The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I cannot get the perspective that I obviously should according to the al-anon way. My AS is completely consuming my every thought and action. I feel like there is a rubber band around my heart. When you love them so much and are so filled with fear how do you find any kind of perspective? I'm so stressed! Any advise on how to put this in a more manageable perspective would be such a blessing!
What helped and helps me with my AS is to consciously decide to put him safely into the hands of his HP each and every time a worried or fearful thought tries to convince me that I can and should be doing something to help him or to save him. That is my disease talking and not my health. My health tells me I've tried that and failed and will fail again because its not my job to help him or to save him. That's his job and his HP's job.
My job is to take loving care of myself one day at a time. I don't want to end up in the hospital with an anxiety disorder or a heart attack. This disease can kill me even more quickly than it can my son. I am not up to dealing with his disease but his HP can do that. I love our Al-Anon slogan: I can't. He can. I'll let Him. It saved me many a time from mentally projecting a future that might not happen and many a sleepless night twisted in worry and horror-filled stories that scared me and didn't help either one of us. It took time and lots of meetings and talks with my sponsor to get to where I could let go and I still have times when I slip back into worry and fear but progress and not perfection is all that is required of me in this program.
Keep coming back, Sally. It does work as we work it.
I do so understand. I too was the parent of an alcoholic son and I can so identify with your pain and confusion. I am pleased that you are attending alanon face to face meetings and reading here daily.
The program offers many constructive tools to help us live life focused on ourselves, one day at a time with the support and understanding of a group of people who understand as few others can.
The program offers evidence that we are powerless over this disease and suggests that since we are powerless over alcoholism it is crucial that we envision a Power in the universe that has power greater than ourselves. I looked about the world and studied many philosophies and choose my Higher Power as perfect, Love, Wisdom, Compassion,Knowledge, Peace and Intelligence . With this as my HP I can easily turn problems over to the Power and believe that I will be helped .
It is all a process and the slogans were powerful little reminders of the program. I found when my mind was racing and my heart filled with fear if I recited the serenity prayer or the slogan,Let go and let God over and over. The pain lessened and I was filled with a sense of peace. Each time the fear surfaced I did this , and called an alanon member, shared here or attended a meeting . Slowly but very surly I began to feel better. I sought out a sponsor and then worked the Steps . I found my God while working the Steps and had my first Spiritual awakening as a result
Hi Sally and welcome to MIP message boards! I can relate. Change comes over time. This program is a program of practice- and like practicing anything, the more we dive in, the better we get at it. What helps me is to break thing down, sometimes by the minute or second; I breath and try to refocus. Sometimes I give myself visual cues, like every time my mind wanders, I catch myself and picture a large red and white stop sign. Also, I have found that the most efficient way to work this program is to work the steps with a sponsor. Keep coming back- this program does work!
Welcome Sally. I can't imagine getting through life without my faith in my higher power (God to me) or this program which made sense out of such confusion. It brought peace in the storm to me. It helped me to understand that someone really does love him more than I.....unfathomable to me at the time. Today, he is sober. So, keep coming back and saying whatever is on your mind. So many understand and have walked a similar path as yours. My first task was to rid myself of my "stinking thinking".....and rewiring my "old tapes" that went round and round in my mind. So many valuable tools to learn here. So many who are where you are, or a step ahead of you and will lend a hand. Keep coming back, and make meetings a priority. It is essential to help you to learn and guide you to a place of peace.
I understand your predicament , been there myself . When I didn't have a HP that I couldn't believe in , I just learned to LET GO.. of things that were none of my business . For a long time the power greater than myself were the members of my Al-Anon groups , they had a lot more wisdom that I did so I started to trust what they were saying , the literature worked for me too for I really had nothing to loose by trying what it suggested ,nothing I had been doing was getting the results I wanted ..The beauty of this prog for me for many yrs was I could stay here believing in nothing ,no one told me I had to go . Eventually I came to understand the concept of a HP , and am grateful we do not discuss religion in our program what I choose to believe is acceptable no reason to justify or explain it was only important for me to understand that there is a HP and it is not ME !! just my opinion Louise
Could you try attending more than one face to face meeting during the week?
I can really only speak for myself, but I know that my recovery sped up when I got myself to more face to face meetings. For me, while written word is great, I just get a different sort of experience in my recovery when I am in a room full of people, face to face, listening to their talking and shares.
My sponsor told me attending one or two meetings a week is good if I want to maintain where I am. If I want change, three meetings a week or more will make that happen for me.
I do want to encourage you and remind you that you have a lifetime of living and feeling and responding the way you do to these kinds of situations. It won't be like flipping a light switch and all of a sudden you are able to detach with love and go along your merry way. It definitely takes lots and lots of practice, lots of meetings, lots of calls with a sponsor, lots of giving things over to a HP.
When my mind is trying to figure things out, I am missing God's perspective (my HP).