The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I didn't handle an alcoholic well yesterday, and I have been suffering guilt on and off. It's so ironic to me that after all the raging, scaring, and insane behavior he brings to my family, that I am feeling guilty. He asked me to do something yesterday that would have taken just minutes, and he is recovering from toe amputation (alcoholic diabetic), but because he is so repulsive to me, and gives me anxiety, I didn't help him. As soon as I drove off, I wished I had, just this one time, done something for him. I could not help my knee-jerk reaction, get the hell out of there! Next time, if there is one, I will put my own needs aside. Let it begin with me, right? Lyne
Thanks for your honesty and for demonstrating how step 10 works. It is very important to remember that the constructive steps of Al-Anon have been designed so that we are set free from our damaging negative reaction of "beating ourselves up." You examined your motives, saw why you reacted, owned it and now, ask HP to lift the anxiety you feel when around him.
We aren't perfect, it is always progress not perfection and you are doing well
It sounds like you have checked your motives, weren't happy with them, and have decided to change. Sounds pretty mature to me, congrats!
There is anxiety we can handle, and there is anxiety we can not handle. I assume this is anxiety that you are willing to deal with, not crippling anxiety but just the stuff of actual feelings that we know we can get over.
Lyne, dont be too hard on yourself. This disease is not pretty and our reactions can sometimes be due to the stress of dealing with it. I read somewhere that our bodies can react and we can have similar symptoms to post traumatic stress through living with alcoholism. So maybe its your body that has reacted and its less to do with your thoughts. Be kind to you.x
We can only do what we can do at any moment. Fortunately, there are always new moments when we can try again to behave in a consciously calm and reasonable manner if we think we failed. I love that 10 Step of ours.
