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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Unresolved Grief
Post Info TOPIC: Unresolved Grief
kismetstrand


~*Service Worker*~

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Unresolved Grief
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I remember reading something about Unresolved Grief several years back. It really hit me hard. I realized that was my problem. I had so much unresolved grief stemming from choices I made that resulted in a divorce and a subsequent marriage to a sociopath and then physical violence by said sociopath. It also resulted in great emotional hurt to my former A husband, the one I divorced for this sociopath. (Great choice, huh? LOL)

But it also resulted in my exAH getting sober.

When I was injured, I moved into mom's house. ExAH lived steps away in her guesthouse. He is the one who took me to all my doctor appointments. Who took me to the hospital for my back surgery. Who was there at my side at hospital learning how to help (caretake) me in my recovery from surgery. Who drove those 4 hours one-way to doctor/hospital as needed. 6 day stay in hospital and he was there every day. Who stood there while I so very slowly got in and out of the car with help of a walker and him, barely able to move after that surgery. Who helped me when I needed it getting in and out of bed, and who slept on the couch in order to keep things proper and also not harm me in any way (cause he was afraid he'd thrash around and accidentally knock into me). I needed 24/7 watching right after surgery and he was the only one able and willing to do so. He made all my meals for me. Made sure I had all I needed once I was settled into the lift chair in the morning. 

He says he understands why I left. He says we both had a share, a part in hurting one another.

I sit here and can still cry over all the waste of the past years and the hurt and the not being there when needed. But I also can see the good that came out of it too. And maybe I begin to see how he too has pain from hurting me during the active years...

The awareness he and I both have as to what is really important in a relationship. That is the biggest blessing.

Starting over with nothing is hard at my age, especially being physically limited now. But in other ways it is also easier. I'm grabbing ahold of this program once again and sticking close. The principles it teaches can help me in all areas of my life. I've always known that, now it's just a matter of really applying them. Patience, love, acceptance... those I think are my main three items.

I still have all this unresolved grief, but I'm working on it. The only amends I can make towards it, is NOT behaving in that way ever again, and to live my life full of love for others. Love is always the answer.



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"I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
KennyFenderjazz


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Thanks for sharing Kis! Life has a lot of twisty turns, and I think, as complicated as it can be, it sometimes keeps us from sitting back and just evaluating it and deciding where to go, instead of just living it and letting it live us. One of the reasons we don't do that is because it leaves us vulnerable to all these crazy emotions that need to get resolved. I admire that you have done that, and continue to do that. I am just starting to do that, and the emotions are scary, but the resolution is all worth it.

 

I have the first three words of 1 Corinthians 13:8 inscribed on my wife's wedding ring "Love never fails".  After having been through hell and back with her, I think it is true.

Kenny



-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Monday 7th of April 2014 12:46:22 PM



-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Monday 7th of April 2014 12:47:08 PM

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Jerry F


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(((((Kis))))) what a beautiful share; one with great expectations for me because the consequence of grabbing ahold of and working this program is that more miracles are coming your way.  Unresolved grief....there are soooo many solutions to this and you've started with your alcoholic with amending.  My former alcoholic/addict wife and I went thru that process too and grief faded.   Acceptance also dissolved a lot of grief as did learning empathy, compassion and self love. Those tools all work hand in hand and as we work them the program of recovery works with and on us.  I love the picture of amends your share paints...I see a "God" thing in it and something to be extremely grateful and hopeful about.  Thanks for sharing it here.   ((((hugs)))) smile  



-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 7th of April 2014 08:14:39 PM

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Unresolved Grief