Wow, I actually feel happy today! Even though my AH woke me up at 5am lol. I then played with my cat for about 45minutes with a new toy I bought her. 

Elcee, I really do think I had a spiritual awakening. I have let most of my resentment go (well at least I am on the other side of the Hill with that one; ). I am still living at home even tough I have my own mostly furnished  place I could go to if I need. I have many more amenities here at my (our) home. I figured It is still more comfortable and convenient for me to stay here. I began pushing back and demanding things of my AH. To be honest, I am really more the type of person who never takes more than my share. Well screw that! lol. I have been giving up my share for soooo long, its is time I start not giving in. I "give in" when it is comfortable for me. For example, I clean the house, because *I* want a clean house. I let go of the poor me stuff. mostly. 

I also decided to really go all out and treat myself. a LOT. I have gained so much weight from the stress, that shopping for outfits isn't too fun anymore, but I have always taken good care of my skin. SO, since I ran out of my cleanser I got on line and got myself I think 4 different skin care kits. one for exfoliation, one for sagging lol, one for wrinkles, one for eyes, plus a body care kit. Heck yah - I deserve it. i also figure that if my AH takes out $150 in cash every other day, I really didn't need to feel bad about spending the money. Irresponsible..oh yes, but it sure feels good to let loose for once!  On top of that I went to Sephora, to the store. watch out! I have never really worn much makeup, but it does make me feel pretty. I got a pretty pink springy shade of lipstick. I have never ever done that. I get one color..that you can't barely tell I have on, and use it til its gone. Now I feel like a woman. I even got pink nail polish! plus a handful of other neat things. THEN I went to SAM's CLUB and stumbled into some melamine platters /servewear and drink trays that I have actually been *looking* for for years. They were an awesome value, AND they Match. So I got those with no guilt. I even got myself a couple of books on sewing, a hobby I am often to depressed or anxious to try to learn. 

To top it all off, I got home had a nice shower, got relaxed. My husbands friend (who is a polite womanizer whom I highly dislike..and he knows it) left me a Voice mail and a text to call him. That it was about my AH. That my AH had called him, that there was a lot of noise in the back ground, that he had to whisper. But he couldn't go help him for good cause. LOL I was like, that's fine, he need to learn to deal with his own crap. I was relaxed myself and didn't plan on going either! WOW. sure felt good. 

My AH pretty much hangs out with gangsters. Gold teeth and guns. I am almost mortified to actually admit it. but its...what do they call it..the "truf" (that would be "truth" in gangsta language..if you didn't get it.) Anyway. my AH texted me that he thinks that this is the end for him, meaning they are going to kill him. I still did not return his call..although eventually I did pick up, my AH worked out his "situation", and I pretty much said I am glad, but I don't want to hear about it. Bye. 

While I never underestimate the likely hood of them kidnapping him or killing him....this is NOT the first time he has allowed himself to be put in this kind of situation. So I figure that he is a smart enough man to not continue and if this is what he wants HIS life to be like, then I shouldn't bother. I have already bothered enough. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. So I continued to truly enjoy my night. I didn't even ONCE try to see where he was using iCloud. go me! this was a first. I really think this new way of thinking, and being happy may stick! yippie. Soulmate or not..he can either get on board or get lost. 

I'm so sorry this is so long, even longer than my average post!

Many blessings to you all