The material presented
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worries. . we fret and lose sleep. my big thing. . i.hopefully going to soon be interviewining for two new job possibikities. . wonderful-get me out of at least one highly dysfunctional place. . but. im terrified. the folks i wrk with now. .the few i trust. ihave been with for 15yrs. they know my story. theyve dried my tears. i even had bosses ( not currently)whoo gave me a pass when i had to arrange getting my child to school when ah was too hungover to take her. i know i cant let my fears ruin these job opportuinites, but hes not going to change 100% and im apparently staying. soooo i worry about how she will be cared for on mornings after hes been "out" and i have to leave for work. hes he tix to school. our driveway is 2/10 of a mile down to to the bustop. . is she supposed to dobthat alone at then ten yo? shes an only child. . that seems lonely and unreasonable. . but this is what keeps meup at nite and i have for at 8:00 am. :O. grrr. i know we should talk, find a plan b. my sometmes best conversations with him are when its late, hes been drinking and feeling remorse. . buttttt, the problem is hes drunk. duh!!!! but when i can talk to him hes either sleeping off a hangover or on defense mode and if i problem solve around him, he gets angry. . and angry is hard to live with . . hes angry and bitter and a "drag up ancient hx" kinda guy. . hes a great dad when hes available. a great provider and highly intelkugent, allbeit opinionated. . augh. . im awake at this hr and hes asleep. sorry again forvtypos.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
((((TOC)))) I think you may have answered your question...he's asleep and you're worrying. Our As do what they do, and we do everything else. In my own experience, any expectation I have ever had for my A to do what a responsible adult head of household would do...has ended in head-scratching disappointment. Why would he do that(or not do that)? Why would I expect to find bread at the hardware store...lol I hope you can get some rest and that HP will inspire you in your dreams.... Lots of hugs to you:)
PS...You are an intelligent, resourceful, wonderful person, and you've probably been taking care of much more than your share for a long time. I'm wondering if there is a parent at your daughter's school who might be able to take your daughter along with their child to the bus stop? Just a thought...
-- Edited by Raven Juniper on Thursday 3rd of April 2014 02:43:32 AM
thank you and yes, to it all. there is a friend who would could and has, no ques asked. hus has to relinquish control and i need to have the guts to set that in motion on the nights he is out. .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
That is wonderful that you are recognizing that your current job isn't filling your needs (or it is tearing you down with dysfunction). Sometimes when I get overly worried about things like that, I remind myself that my Higher Power is really in control and that what is SUPPOSED to happen, will. Do try to shake off the worries.
Now for your child...cannot offer any ESH because sadly I have not had children. But I do have compassion for you. I think having another Plan of action is alway a good thing. Sometimes we get used to our dysfunctional lives and begin to accept things that in other circumstances we wouldn't. I feel like my "benchmark" has be reset much much lower than what my "normal" standards are. For example... we were sharing a car for a while. and my AH would up and leave for days at a time and I wouldn't have a car. at first I would just not go anywhere. The next time he left I knew that I would be wrought with anxiety because I would not be able to go to my business if they needed something. SO, rather than live with the anxiety. I rented a car for a week. I decided that there was no point in Counting on him, or expecting anything of him, even if he did make it home. I was too anxious and I DESERVE to have a routine. I am quite sure (deep in his drunk mind) that he was relieved of the guilt of me not having a ride.
I have also found that when I make big statements or changes, that he throws a fit cause that is his way, and then it blows right over and he acts like it was always like that. The first few times I was brave enough to stand up for myself I remember thinking when it was over - I survived! I survived! I did it I did it! It felt soooo good. Even if there was a fight, It still felt good. I am raising my "benchmark" one issue at a time.
Counting on your husband for anything really is setting you and your daughter up for heartache and disappointment. The addiction to be in crazy control is most likely the only consistency you can count on. Good luck on your job interviews!
I am glad you mentioned a plan B, A's are not known for being reliable. I have neighbors and friends that have helped with my kids and it takes some worry away. Sending you love and support.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
TOC...do you have a sponsor? Start of the solution is becoming powerless and reaching out to others for help. MIP is great and sponsors are face to face...from my experience. In support. (((((hugs)))))
:O. grrr. i know we should talk, find a plan b. my sometmes best conversations with him are when its late, hes been drinking and feeling remorse. . buttttt, the problem is hes drunk. duh!!!! but when i can talk to him hes either sleeping off a hangover or on defense mode and if i problem solve around him, he gets angry. . and angry is hard to live with . . hes angry and bitter and a "drag up ancient hx" kinda guy. . hes a great dad when hes available. a great provider and highly intelkugent, allbeit opinionated. . augh. . im awake at this hr and hes asleep. sorry again forvtypos.
