Hello...I'm New Here... - Al-Anon Family Group

Tiff314 · Member

Hello...I'm New Here...

jillybean1 · Senior Member

Hi Tiff, I have also started and deleted a bunch of posts. It's like if you write it down in words then it must be true!! Some things I wish were not true, so I erased them.

37 is a good age to start things!!! You have a bunch of experience and know what stupid means---- LOL.

I feel that jobs don't define me, I retired from a career that was also a way of life. Now I work and have fun (hardly any money in it) but I am so much happier. Perfection is so tiring (at least for me it was).

Hope your day cheers up!!!

www.youtube.com/watch

Raven Juniper · Senior Member

Hi Tiff:) welcome to MIP! You've come to the right place! I'm on my way to work but I wanted to say hello! Keep coming back! (((Hugs)))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Tiff Happy Al-Anon birthday AND REAL BIRTHDAY smile . I am glad that you found MIP and are also attending Al-Anon face-to-face meetings in your community. Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive disease and we who live with it certainly require a program of recovery for ourselves.

In reading your post, I was extremely impressed by the amount of your recovery. Your awareness and acceptance of your past and the motives that you have explored are powerful tools in aiding change. You are on your way.

I'm sorry that you're feeling down at the moment and would like to suggest that you make gratitude and asset list for your review and then maybe plan on attending our online meetings later today. Sharing and connecting or two important tools of recovery

Keep coming back it works if you work IT

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Tiff and also welcome to the board. Happy anniversary and Happy Birthday too. I also started in Al-Anon at 37. I reached the program by the direct guidance of my HP and came to realize that I had survived the first 37years by pure luck...Almost never made the front door of my then home group. Talking up about what brings me down is a sure way for me to get help and survive it. I learned that when I put it into words and let the words fly into the atmosphere that I was becoming real. Al-Anon encourages me to be real and not hide the child of God that I am. I also realized what Betty got from your post...you do have good growth from "work" and "walking" the program. Good to have you here. ((((hugs)))) smile

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP and thanks for your share, it helped me. Sending you love and support!

Tiff314 · Member

Thanks Raven! So grateful for the welcome and happy to have found this forum. What a beautiful resource! (((HUGS)))

Tiff

Raven Juniper wrote:
Hi Tiff:) welcome to MIP! You've come to the right place! I'm on my way to work but I wanted to say hello! Keep coming back! (((Hugs)))

Tiff314 · Member

Thanks Jilly...I am letting my jobs define me. Mainly because I think I should be saving the world or doing something truly life-changing for other people. That's the codependent in me. I'm working on letting go of these silly expectations I have for myself. It's actually what keeps me paralyzed. I'll never be good enough, so it gets me down. My mother loves me and is very supportive of me no matter what I do. I know she didn't mean any harm. But I was born and raised to be codependent. What a way to live! lol
Thank God I have a wonderful sponsor who keeps me on track. She helps to keep me thinking straight. Thank God for Al-Anon! I'm on step 3...right where I need to be.
Tiff

jillybean1 wrote:
Hi Tiff, I have also started and deleted a bunch of posts. It's like if you write it down in words then it must be true!! Some things I wish were not true, so I erased them.

37 is a good age to start things!!! You have a bunch of experience and know what stupid means---- LOL.

I feel that jobs don't define me, I retired from a career that was also a way of life. Now I work and have fun (hardly any money in it) but I am so much happier. Perfection is so tiring (at least for me it was).

Hope your day cheers up!!!

www.youtube.com/watch

Tiff314 · Member

Hello Hotrod,

Thanks so much for your encouraging words and the birthday wishes. I am focusing on my gratitude and am grateful to know there are online meetings! I will definitely check them out! XO!

Tiff

hotrod wrote:
Dear Tiff Happy Al-Anon birthday AND REAL BIRTHDAY . I am glad that you found MIP and are also attending Al-Anon face-to-face meetings in your community. Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive disease and we who live with it certainly require a program of recovery for ourselves.
In reading your post, I was extremely impressed by the amount of your recovery. Your awareness and acceptance of your past and the motives that you have explored are powerful tools in aiding change. You are on your way.
I'm sorry that you're feeling down at the moment and would like to suggest that you make gratitude and asset list for your review and then maybe plan on attending our online meetings later today. Sharing and connecting or two important tools of recovery

Keep coming back it works if you work IT

Tiff314 · Member

Thanks, Jerry! It's good to be here. ((((HUGS)))) I will be sharing more. Thanks for encouraging my openness. There are things I've reserved for my sponsor but I may feel more comfortable sharing here than in my meetings. This is a good place to be!

Aloha!

Tiff

Jerry F wrote:

Aloha Tiff and also welcome to the board. Happy anniversary and Happy Birthday too. I also started in Al-Anon at 37. I reached the program by the direct guidance of my HP and came to realize that I had survived the first 37years by pure luck...Almost never made the front door of my then home group. Talking up about what brings me down is a sure way for me to get help and survive it. I learned that when I put it into words and let the words fly into the atmosphere that I was becoming real. Al-Anon encourages me to be real and not hide the child of God that I am. I also realized what Betty got from your post...you do have good growth from "work" and "walking" the program. Good to have you here. ((((hugs))))

Tiff314 · Member

Hello Breakingfree,

Thanks for the welcome. I'm glad it helped you. Sharing certainly helped me!! Blessings...

Tiff

Breakingfree wrote:
Welcome to MIP and thanks for your share, it helped me. Sending you love and support!

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

hi there. . did you write about me or you?!! seriuiusly. similar paths in childood. my folks loved me and still do very very much, but too are judging and critical and somehow that left me anxious, and worried that i wasnt enough. . needed to do better. i too carefully chose relationships that offered a diffwrent way then what i was use to. . the riskier guys, the friends with big robust, anything goes families. i went into the therapy field to help and serve. i then chose an alc husband. hmmmm. and now as a professional, comppassionate loving super mom, i have to be very very careful to not create the same judging ways onto my own daughter who is an impressionable 9 1/2 yr old. and what do i do. . worry, judge myself and question everything. bottom line is. . i love her more than life. fact::: we live with an alcoholic. i worry. i judge and im sure i wear her out. i pray Gods grace be extended to her daily as i know im not making it easy. she knows im her biggest fan. . but as you said. . we brag ger up. . shes super smart and about the most gracious kid youll meet and so inveriably she gets the "pressure"to perform to be all she can. . not my intent but i know its hapenung. . i worry that i have set her up to be ME, dear lord. =-O:-*

-- Edited by Theoceancalls on Thursday 3rd of April 2014 01:29:33 AM

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

sorry for the typos. !!!! is that being critical of me? lol

Tiff314 · Member

Thanks so much for writing, Theoceancalls. Wow, you and I really are very similar!!!! We are not alone! And yes, I understand about your daughter completely.

One thing that really resonated with me and you might want to keep in mind...always praise the effort, not the outcome. If my mother had done this, I would be in a completely different mindset. It's not about whether a child is best or gets an A or is at the top of their class. Don't praise how great she is, but praise her accomplishments. Praise that she did all of her homework, not that she got a 97%. Ignore judging the quality. Praise what she does, no matter the outcome. Praise that a child practiced guitar, not that he/she is the best in her class. Encourage her to try new things and to do things on her own. Don't always be there to catch her when she falls. Let her fall. She will be better off for it. I spend my life avoiding mistakes, so I never take any chances. Not being perfect makes me ill... And I'm sure it does you, too.

I remember when I heard that it's best to praise your child for trying and not placing value, that would have changed my life. My mother's heart was in the right place. But it just had the opposite effect than she'd intended.

And yes, all my life I wanted to be a psychologist. Or a veterinarian. I wanted to save everyone and help the helpless...those who couldn't help themselves. I wanted to do what I had been taught. Now, just being me is uncomfortable. I'm discovering who I am because I haven't a clue. I always wanted to please everyone else and making people happy then made me happy. If I wasn't making someone happy, I was unhappy. I got my self-worth through the opinions of others. Helping others feel fulfilled made me fulfilled.

But we'll make it! Just your awareness with help your daughter be confident and have a more fulfilled life. You are obviously a wonderful mother and a loving and caring person!

God bless! And be gentle with yourself. We all do the best we can at any time. And we're working toward happiness, the most important outcome of all!!!!

Theoceancalls wrote:
hi there. . did you write about me or you?!! seriuiusly. similar paths in childood. my folks loved me and still do very very much, but too are judging and critical and somehow that left me anxious, and worried that i wasnt enough. . needed to do better. i too carefully chose relationships that offered a diffwrent way then what i was use to. . the riskier guys, the friends with big robust, anything goes families. i went into the therapy field to help and serve. i then chose an alc husband. hmmmm. and now as a professional, comppassionate loving super mom, i have to be very very careful to not create the same judging ways onto my own daughter who is an impressionable 9 1/2 yr old. and what do i do. . worry, judge myself and question everything. bottom line is. . i love her more than life. fact::: we live with an alcoholic. i worry. i judge and im sure i wear her out. i pray Gods grace be extended to her daily as i know im not making it easy. she knows im her biggest fan. . but as you said. . we brag ger up. . shes super smart and about the most gracious kid youll meet and so inveriably she gets the "pressure"to perform to be all she can. . not my intent but i know its hapenung. . i worry that i have set her up to be ME, dear lord. =-O:-*

-- Edited by Theoceancalls on Thursday 3rd of April 2014 01:29:33 AM

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