The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and so I was taught when it got that way to stop, stand still, look down at my feet and ask myself "Where am I"? and then to look straight up above me and ask "Where do you want me"? Still fighting the bank regarding the global meltdown with the illegal, immoral, sub-prime fiasco, debacle that still affects my wife and I. She is working 6 days a week and I'm working for peanuts (and grateful) from a group that didn't have to give me the work except for their Aloha culture. Freaking banking industry and all those connected and of course they are wandering around with a smirk on their faces just nicely moving around the elephant in their collective living-rooms. I even escrowed a request that this certain bank not be the loan servicer and guess what?....you got it and I refinanced to get the hell away from them....Okay sorry I'm ranting in your front yards...please don't throw stones I'm moving on for the minute. to the next issue...We are fighting for our "self determination here" and "they" are wanting to keep us as an american "Hawaiian petting zoo". Dear God....DEAR GOD....DEAR GOD!!!! Whats wrong with the governments morals?
Sorry This isn't about life as a consequence with a marriage to an alcoholic/addict...life with her could get crazy real fast for a long time and then I can't hold this up against the disease now...or can I?
I'm looking straight up and asking "Where do you want me" and I want to tag that with "other than here"?
I'm not leaving this with you family to carry a burden greater than you now have or to steal any happinesses you have been given instead. I'm in the yard throwing a tantrum and I know you will love me still inspite of my lack of acceptance of the things I cannot (????) control....alone. I am not alone...Mahalo Akua...Thank you God. Gonna go kick my tires and watch the clouds sail by. Glad to have this other world with all of you in it. ((((hugs))))
Maybe being in the yard throwing a tantrum IS where God wants you to be. I accept and live by the concept that all things serve the will of GOD....
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Hey Jerry, we absolutely do love you. And you are giving it to HP. Maybe I am missing something here but this program is progress not perfection, so don't be too hard on yourself. In fact, a good tantrum is healing, you are letting it out, not keeping it bottled up inside. In fact, I may join you in the tantruming to show support. Ps you are one of my heroes. Hugs.
I am reminded of times gone by....we neighborhood kids would fuss and argue, then lay down on the grass and watch the clouds go by. I join you with the rock throwing, kicking of the tires and the enjoyment of the clouds doing what they do.
I enjoyed reading your post Jerry. It is a great reminder to all of us that "stuff" is still going on in our livess. Not only do we deal with our A's, we deal with the real world too. Nothing wrong with a good old fashioned tantrum! There is always a calm after the storm!!! PS Trying to decide what clouds look like is one of my favorite past times with my grand kids!! Enjoy!
((((Sweet)))))...the sun is out and it is clear and warm and yes we were storming and also waiting for a possible tsunami from Chili. This morning the clouds were grey fringed with flaming orange as the sun was rising. I murmured a chant E ala E which is about the sun rising and the darkness going away from the mountains and the land. The calm and clarity after a storm. (((((hugs)))))
(((Jerry))) It can be so easy to sometimes get lost in the forest and focus on one tree. I'm grateful for your vent- I'm glad you didn't try and hold it inside where it could fester. Alanon in all of our affairs because any person, place or thing can set off triggers. I don't know why things are the way that they are, but while you're listening for instructions from your HP perhaps more will be revealed. Sending prayers for wisdom, patience, courage, and faith.
I'm sorry you're struggling. We come into this program learning that we have choices we never envisioned, we begin making them, we feel power within ourselves, we're clear, we bask in our newfound sanity and then the rest of the world ignorantly refuses to get on board with us. Who wouldn't tantrum? Count me in! Actually, I was venting about a few injustices only a few hours ago.
You can tantrum in my yard if I can tantrum in yours. I think I'll be getting the better deal though... we're expecting rain and snow tonight.
Hang in there. Thanks for sharing. At least I'm assured there's still intelligent life out there. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Vent it out Jerry F and let it go. I love your humble soul calling out for God's direction. You inspire me with all you have gone through and you continue on looking up. Sending you prayer, love and support always!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
sorry it took me so long to post on this. I wanted to reread it and see what I really saw in it. I am curious what you are talking about with regards to self determination? is there a bill going on about Hawaii that I haven't heard about (quite possible considering I don't follow the news very closely).
But you feel free to rant! Watch those clouds sail on by, and drop the rain, and make things beautiful over there in Hilo!
I guess I get too tired to continue wasting my time on "stuff."
PS Trying to decide what clouds look like is one of my favorite past times with my grand kids!! Enjoy!