I am much stronger today and not fearful. I will follow through. So thankful for this site, this program, the support and my HP. Bless you all on your journey.

Sorry you are going through this Truth. Sounds like you handled it well.

Thank you all and thank you for being patient with me through this. I know I seem like I am obsessing over what he does, however it is really just me trying to figure out my steps (sometimes it just doesn't come across that way). I will work on the delivery of my message in times of stress.

I journaled it out and it helps a lot just to keep a log so you can look back and say I am not crazy and trust your intution....LOL

I have a plan for me today...I am going to focus on my work, eat healthy, do some yoga and play with my son All in all a good day!!!!

And I guess that answered my questions about the program (his manipulation had me confused).....Program works if you are surrounding yourself with healthy playmates

Truth, don't worry about how you are coming across in here. We all get stressed at various times, and I believe we shouldn't take the time to figure out how to filter it for each other, we have enough of that kind of thing going on with our As and families!

 

And I think your questions about the program were very legitimate.  if something doesn't seem to be working, it needs to be questioned!

Kenny

-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Friday 28th of March 2014 02:03:45 PM

You got that one right Truth

Change is scary regardless of it being right. I know I did the right thing in my case but I have fear. "False evidence appearing real "

Thank you
((( hugs )))

Hugs Truth,

How I choose to break it down when it comes to my children .. what he does or doesn't do while he's not with the kids is none of my business .. there is a BIG however in that situation .. when the children are NOT respected safety wise he has lost all sense of his mind at that point then it IS my business. My children have a right to feel safe in any situation they are in, ESPECIALLY when they are with a parent. My situation is a little different because the kids are 10 and 15 (can you believe this week?!). I'm beyond grateful that in my parenting agreement they decide when visitation is over. If he's drunk, high, they feel uncomfortable with a situation .. they end the visitation .. end of story. When speaking to your atty please for your own peace of mind look into sole custody of your child is possible. It will help you in the long run eliminate issues in terms of medical decisions, school issues and so on. If he's not able to care for a child without supervised visits then he's really not in a position to be making joint decisions and sometimes those decisions need to be made on the fly. I can also tell you from my own standpoint that the tax benefits need to go to you as well because unless he gets recovery I will lay odds (I know this is awful to say) that after about a year or so he's just going to disappear. In a two year time period .. my stbax has seen the kids if you count the days MAYBE 2 months out of two years .. pretty much he's a stranger to them and compound that issue with the fact he's made the decision NOT to see the kids for 8 months out of that stretch of time. He broke their trust terribly the last time they were all together for a full weekend. It will be a LONG time before he earns that trust back.

Anyway, lots of luck to you and keep coming back .. the active A (sobriety doesn't equal recovery) can be very cunning in manipulation and use recovery words and even actions to sell themselves. If he's throwing words around and there are no actions behind the recovery words then I rely on my higher power. It will be years before I believe one thing that comes out of my stbax's mouth without the follow through to match and he has placed himself in that situation.

Listen to your gut and recognized what is self imposed anxiety and what needs to have action acted upon .. give yourself an atta girl for following through on that situation. Children's safety is always first and foremost in my book.

Hugs S :)