The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK. He's going to have a public defender. he's going to have to be able to deal with this himself. he's a big boy, and he can do it or he can't. He's been pushed out of the nest like nature and HP say he should be, now he will have to find his own way.
And there is no reason for you to spend another dime on it. use the money you thought you would use for this on something for you!
I remember when my AD got her second DUI in the course of one year. The second time we did not bail her out and we did not get her a lawyer- she ended up with a Public Defender. A few years later, she told me that was a wake-up call for her to work on getting sober. She still drinks, but I'm glad that she gave me that feedback then. It's so hard to let them go, but that's how we let God do His work. (((Cathy)))
My A got a string of DUIs that he weaseled out from. Finally he moved to a new state and got one that he couldn't weasel out from. The penalties were enormous: mandatory rehab, community service, two years of a breathalyzer on his car, and unbelievable amounts of money. He has not had a DUI since then. He is still drinking, but no more DUIs. My theory is that the consequences finally made him sit up and pay attention. So I guess the question is: would you rather he feel the consequences, or not feel the consequences? Has not feeling the consequences brought about the result you're hoping for?
Take good care of yourself. You have so much awareness!
I know that feeling well, its fear talking. Check your motives, would this be for you for a short term gain or for him and what is truly good for him? I think that need to rush in and rescue is part of our own disease, playing God, trying to grasp some control from a painful situation. If I were you I would ask for your higher powers guidance and take some time to listen before making any decisions. You want whats best for your son but how can you know whats best? sometimes its better to stay out of it. Take some time to sit with your emotions, let the dust settle for yourself.x
Cathy my son was arrested twice. I got the same attorney both times paid a total of 6 grand and not including court fees and now restitution.. This is when my son just turned 18 the first time and 21 the second time. You know my story with my son and I made it to easy. This is why I truly now believe he learned nothing because he knew mom was going to he there. Well today he has 45 days clean a full time job and seeing his daughter supervised two days a week and lives with his uncle. Him being out in the streets cold hungry all because of his addiction I pray this made him realized it's not the way to live. He is 22 and I told him just recently I will never enable him again even though his disease almost killed me and he knows his way to sobriety.. He knows the hard life and he knows the good life. He knows his choices are his.. I can't control him.. I still worry so much because of the past. But I need to sane for me. I know how you feel. I say this with live and care please let him be and let god take care of it. He is sober he has a roof over his head he has food and you know where he is at, he is safe. Jails have more to offer for addicts for them to get on the right path. Then we do as mothers. I wish I would have listened to the ones that told me "leave your son in there" I did not listen and his disease got so bad and I did too. I pray for peace for you and peace and safety for him. Cathy we all love you and care for you and your son is in my prayers. I pray and pray and pray because we all need to even when things are ok. God bless
Awareness comes to acceptance then comes action........DONT DO ANYTHING TO HELP.......You know that that would be enabling..that is why you reached out b/c you know.......Cathy as long as we enable our A's, they have NO hope..NO chance for recovery......let him fall and fall hard....it may save his life.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You'll make the choice that is right for you now, Cathy. I never knew what to do or not to do but meetings, step work, a good therapist for me who worked with individuals and families affected by alcoholism and drug addiction, and most importantly my HP guided me to mind my own business as much as possible. His charges were such that had I hired a private attorney - not only would my son have kept on drinking, I would have been close to $20,000 in debt with no change on his part.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 26th of March 2014 09:13:03 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 26th of March 2014 09:15:36 PM
I'm so happy I posted this because I wanted to know I was doing something wrong. He will have a public defender and he will serve his time. I want my son well when he turns 40. I can only pray that will happen. The pain will pass and life will continue to move on.
I'm happy I'm not alone and have the best people in this world to let me know and keep me accountable. I will also post again if I'm thinking on doing something stupid.
I have a meeting tonight and I will be talking about this very thing if I get a chance. I want the whole world to know my secrets no matter how innocent it might seem to me. Looking at websites is not good for me or him.
Thanks all...I am not alone.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you all and I pray I will never use the computer again for my son's benefit. Hopefully he will get help now....as least stay alive for a few more years...and be able to use the internet/computer to benefit himself someday.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
