The material presented
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Said my AH. I couldn't believe my ears!! Alcohol saved it for that last 10 years or so?? Huh?? this is his explanation:" Every time you yelled at me I would drink and hide out in our room". So I guess what he means is he hid from me instead of fighting. So bizarre. This is the disease talking in full force. I used to yell more before al anon. I have been hurt time and time again on this roller coaster of lies and promises. I have yelled less after al anon taught me it really only hurts ME. So my husband used my so called yelling as an excuse for drinking. I never remember an incident of me yelling and him hiding out and drinking afterward. The problem? I was only "yelling" or upset when he wouldn't go to work, wouldn't pay tickets on time, would buy too many things, or not do anything around the house. I wanted normalcy!! So his rationale makes no sense whatsoever. He was upset today when I got more things to take to my new place. He claims he had a "slip up" and is now "back on the wagon". It's only been a month and a half. i have observed he is drinking NyQuil. This is not back on the wagon in my book. I told him people do not change within a month or so. It hurts me to have a failed marriage. This is my second one. But I have to take care of myself and use my brain. I am thankful I got a lot done today. I am working on not second-guessing myself and moving on.
Looking forward to my meeting tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
The only truth to his statements is that yes, he did drink to cope with arguments in all likelihood. The alcoholic doesn't give credence to how these thing are bidirectional meaning: drinking causes arguments and arguments cause drinking. Same goes for mental health and financial problems and health problems. All caused by drinking and all are things that the alcoholic will also drink over.
Unfortunately, over time the alcoholic will drink when they are bored, sad, happy, not feeling anything, when it's Tuesday, on a full moon....whatever. Hence, by the same logic they come to believe, since alcoholic is paired with everything, that it is also the answer to everything.
Smokers do this too which is why it's also such a powerful addiction everything becomes "I need a cigarette to get through this." It's just not as mind altering and imminently dangerous to the addict.
I agree pink chip. My AH admits he has a problem but I know he doesn't think it's as serious as everyone around him thinks it is. He has used every excuse to drink. The closer I examine my marriage the more I realize that alcohol plays a huge part in it. Problems in a marriage cannot even begin to be worked on unless there is no alcohol involved. The A mind is not thinking correctly. Neither is the rest of the family when they observe the fallout from alcoholic behavior.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Wednesday 26th of March 2014 09:33:43 AM
Well, thank goodness for alcohol! If it weren't for alcohol, he wouldn't have hidden in his room, and you would have had to deal that much more with him. So apparently it has spared you a lot of having to deal with him over the years.
Sometimes we feel support for each other, I'm feeling snarky for you :)
-wish i had one when I first started with Alanon... i think it would have helped one whole lot...! 