The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to react to them all the time. It only made me more pissed off and then he had the upper hand. I don't give the power to him anymore. I have learn not to react no matter what. It passes and I am OK after a while.
Why do they always want a problem... I know...then they can justify their choices. You did it to me.. you caused it geez...
Good job taking care of you my friend....
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I always consider questions honestly (requirement) and then respond if I want to the same way. Short responses...keeping it simple and maintaining my focus on me is good rewarding work. (((((hugs)))))
Yes this is good advice. I sometimes wonder if I am really progressing in recovery, but think the one that makes me realise most is not reacting to others emotional stuff. My ex -A was always deciding how I felt, an d it took me a long time to learn not to react. Recently I 've kind of noticed a lot of people do that. I had an e-mail last week from a friend that was of full of 'emotional stuff', it was definitely projecting stuff on me. I know that I am progressing because in the past I would have reacted, now I just wait, calm myself and then send a simple one line reply dealing with the facts not the emotion.
I really feel like he's projecting almost all the time. Like he doesn't like his life, but instead of doing the hard work to make positive changes he just 'throws up' his emotions onto everyone else.
He did come up and apologize later. A real apology, with understanding about what he did, and communication about why if he does A, then I will do B, and if he wants me to do A, he should do B. While I do think he's a bit back into the bottle, just this one thing shows me he's not fully submerged again. Baby steps!
Ouch I know what you mean . I love how they know all these things about us the enemy I been called for speaking honest. If my ah knew what I was really feeling he would know better to keep his side clean instead of fixing my side .
Alcoholism is a disease centred on shame and guilt, we can all feel those emotions from time to time - horrible, just horrible. Projecting, yes of course from time to time I have sat thinking 'its x's fault' they make me feel this or that, often with my ex A I told him just that.
He constantly told me what I was feeling, what I wanted - I would end up confused and emotionally torn. it took me a long time to realise that this was just a way of loading me with his guilt and shame. It was a very good way of manipulating me, in my confusion I would agree to things that just were not right! I have no doubt that I also played manipulative games as well such is the disease.
Enough - I merely need to know my own feelings, and painful as they sometimes are work through them - find the character trait that is causing them and let them go. Relief, I start to know my own mind and I can speak my truth quietly and clearly.
you caused it 