The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I realised this about 2 1/2 years ago and since then have done all the usual things!! (Searched the house for bottles, been through his pockets for receipts, taken away his bank card, taken him to his GP, to AA, to 1-2-1 counselling, to hypnotherapy, to group abstinence sessions, etc, etc).
I tried going to an Al-anon Meeting about a year ago, but I was running late & ended up sitting down in what turned out to be an AA meeting by mistake! Not quite the evening I had hoped for... Following that, I turned to Google and found several books that I have read: Co-dependant No More, Getting Them Sober, Bottled Up, Living With an Alcoholic Husband and others. These have certainly helped me to see the disease more clearly for what it is and to start to accept that there is nothing I can do about "his problems". I know that I need to focus on myself and our little girl.
Along the way there have been jobs lost, promises & lies and a ridiculous amount of money wasted. I now find myself in the heart-breaking position of splitting up our family as I cannot see another way to protect myself and my daughter financially (or mentally!!) AH has been attending meetings but is not in any sort of program, no sponsor, etc.
I have had to increase my hours at work to full-time following my AH's redundancy so I am unable to get to a meeting myself. I do have the phone number of a lady in Al-Anon who I spoke to (between tears) recently and it was so liberating to talk to someone who understands. I am hoping to find some more support and words of wisdom here too.
I have ordered the Courage to Change, 12 Step Prayer Book and 24 hours a day which I hope will bring a little more peace to my days. The Serenity Prayer is already the first & last thing in my day!
I hope to find a way out of this madness. I remember his therapist telling me about the cycle of change and explaining that sometimes people have to go round it several times. Well, I feel as though we've been round so many that I'm dizzy and I want to get off...
How do you detach with love if you find yourself wishing your AH was dead just so you can escape?
I know I need help, these are not good thoughts, what kind of person wishes their husband were dead? But, boy does his behaviour make me mad!!
Thank you for reading, and for being here x
-- Edited by Mum to Belle on Tuesday 25th of March 2014 04:51:24 PM
I would like to welcome you to the Miracles in Progress recovery site. I am glad that you have found us and am so pleased that you have researched and purchased such wonderful alanon books to aid in your recovery.
Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. Being powerless does not mean hopeless. In alanon I learned to take the focus off the alcoholic over which I was powerless and place my energy and focus on myself, my needs, life and use that power to improve my life. It works
I understand that attending Face to Face meetings may be difficult at this time and would like to suggest that you connect with our on line meetings held here 2xs a day. Living with the disease of alcoholism is a challenge that we should not face alone. Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions and we develop negative coping tools in the process.
I so understand the feelings that you describe and would just like to say that there is hope. Attending Al-Anon, using the tools, living one day at a time, focused on yourself and trusting program and HP will lead you out of the confusion and into serenity, courage and wisdom.
Please keep coming back here as you are not alone and there is hope
I find I am crying a lot lately, everything seems to be too much to cope with.
My solicitor suggested that "alcoholism" may not be sufficient evidence of unreasonable behaviour to satisfy a judge.
I replied that maybe she should also list: peeing on the lounge carpet, spending money he hasn't earned, drinking against medical advice.... the list could go on!
I so glad you found us and you want to take the next step in helping yourself. I think you know by now you can't fix your AH no matter how hard you try. You can lean to cope even in the worse crisis. I know....two days ago I thought I was going to die but I'm getting better excepting I am powerless. It's hard for us sometimes to except something we didn't cause it , can't control it one bit and differently can't cure it.
So keep coming back and let us help you through with all the wonderful ESH that is spread around.
You are not alone my friend.
PS: You solicitor should read up on the disease of Alcoholism...he will get a eye full.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I came home from work today and he had made tea, but he asked me what our daughter washaving, he hadn't made anything for her! When I asked him if he had not made her any, he lost it and threw the spoon on the floor and started to rant about how he'd been looking for a job all day AND he'd made tea, but it obviously wasn't enough!
