The material presented
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I am sad today but grateful my son is not dead. I went online and found a booking number on the Yavapai Sheriff website. My son has been arrested. I called and he has 6 counts against him ( DUI ). In Arizona he will be doing a long of time in prison now. He has lost everything......and now his freedom. I think he will do about 6 years if not longer.
I'm sick...... but this was God's will I guess...
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Ok, lets look at this as the glass is half full. He has a roof over his head, a bed to sleep on, food in his belly and you now know where he is. In addition to that he should have access to a treatment program (court ordered?).
Will waking up in jail be his "rock bottom"? I hope and pray for your sake that it is.
Snuggle with your cats tonight. Tell them all your thoughts and fears so you can get a good night's sleep.
I am glad he is safe....he will have lots of time to dry out. I listened to a testimony of Ray Charles daughter recently, who spent much time in jail. She said she finally met God on that cold cement floor in her cell. Your son's guardian angel can take a break for a bit....his HP ain't done with him yet.
-- Edited by PP on Monday 24th of March 2014 01:23:13 PM
-- Edited by PP on Monday 24th of March 2014 09:15:52 PM
Cathy big hugs .. I remember when I called the police on my stbax. Honestly that was the hardest thing I have done to date. The kids were so relieved and something my son says was mom .. we know where he is, he's safe and he can't drink. Maybe he can get the help he needs .. now please keep in mind this is coming from my 9 year old. My daughter echoed his words. I can imagine your heart is heavy and sad. There are so many worse things that you could have found out. I'm grateful that there was no knock at the door, he didn't kill himself or anyone else. I couldn't imagine the devastating effects that would have meant for our kids. Please be gentle with you and please stick close to your program as well as us. Hugs s :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Cathyinaz, I am so sorry to hear about your son. You're right, this must be God's plan and more importantly he is alive and did not take anyone else's life. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.
Cathy I am sorry as this is so painful for you, and will continue to pray. At least you know where he is, and that he is alive and safe. Maybe this is the wake up call he needed.
Cathy, im sorry, this is hard for a mother to deal with. Maybe you will have some real peace and rest now though. Hes safe and may be in the very place he needs to be in, he will get a rest from the chaos of his disease as well.x
Cathy: Although I was sick about my son being in prison, after awhile it was the only peace I experienced. I knew where he was. His thinking improved as he dried out. His access to alcohol and drugs was minimized if not cut off entirely. Our kids are survivors. If he is sent to prison, he will figure out ways to take care of himself because he'll have to if he is anything like my son. I would prefer my son in prison than banging around on the streets which was worse for him. I agree with the others. His HP isn't finished with him yet. Thank heavens he isn't driving. This is a blessing in disguise although at first it can feel like a nightmare that won't end. (((C))) The outcome isn't what you wanted and it is better than the worst it could be. Trust his HP, Cathy. A lot of our loved ones don't make it this far. He has. Where there is breath there is hope. Where there is Alanon, there is support and love for you.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 24th of March 2014 04:52:00 PM
He's in the hospital. Did I hear Aggravated assault 3 degree beside the aggravated DUI, DUI. open container and driving with a suspended license. Did he fight the police, did he try to kill himself like he said he would do. My son is gone.....
I'm lost....just lost I'm sorry I have not prepared enough. I didn't do what everyone said. I am a failure.
Will I get better or am I going to destroy myself over this. It's my decision and choice to either go down with the ship over seek help. What will I do...I don't know right now.
My heart is breaking at the moment.....is it drama....maybe. But my heart and mind are in real pain.
I'm sorry I have failed in my mind. I feel don't I don't deserve MIP. I'm full of crap and I just gave out a bunch of BS to myself and everyone here.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Stop this, Cathy. You have come so far. Your disease is talking - not you! You are not lost. You are right where you need to be. Your son is alive and although he will have to suffer the consequences of this miserable disease, I have known folks older than him who have gone through worse, lived to tell the story, and used what they learned and endured to help others. Please try to remember John's story if you can. Look at what he has done. If you can't remember it, I'm sure he'd let you hear it again - to give you hope.
I love you, sweetheart. You are going through a hard place right now and this, too, will pass. I don't think there is one mother on this board who would feel any better about what their child is going through than you do. MIP isn't in place for us to deserve or not to deserve. It is in place because of the ugly twists and turns of this disease and how it affects us. You hang in there, sister. We need you just like you need us.
The initial charges can be changed by the prosecutor, too, and plea bargained with the defense attorney. A lot can happen that will be much more positive than what you know now. One day at a time with this, honey. One day at a time and no more.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 24th of March 2014 06:50:22 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 24th of March 2014 06:59:57 PM
You must realize that we have no power over anybody else, even our own children. Whether our children are alcoholic or not we have to let them go.
I know when they are in trouble it hurts, but they must travel their own journey. They cannot learn their lessons if were always there. Right now there is nothing you can do for him, but
pray to your HP for your serenity and his protection.
Praying for you. Cathy, your son lost his freedom to the disease, it was a matter of time before this happened or worse, many people die from this horrible disease. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive, its not meant to be. I absolutely see your pain and grief and please know we are with you and love you so much.
-- Edited by mm830 on Monday 24th of March 2014 08:38:06 PM
You and your son are in my prayers. It's truly a miracle that he's alive after all that's happened. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent this. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Now more than ever, please stay. You're not a failure or full of crap. This isn't about how someone works a program. We're friends here all of us with fractured lives doing the best we can with what comes at us each day. Please keep coming back to be loved unconditionally. (((cathy)))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Dear Cathy You are not alone. You are a loving Mom who feels so very saddened and broken by the twists and turns of your child's life .
I was in program for over 20 years when my son started to crash. Alanon tools kept me sane but did not protect me from feeling the terrible pain and sadness at the outlook for my child's future and the pain he was enduring
Thank you all so so much for the support. I sometimes think I don't deserve this. I cry for me, I cry for my son. I cry for everyone here because of this terrible terrible disease.
Now I really know I'm not alone.....I have to learn that no matter what happens there are others that will help me. We are here to help each other. I am understanding that this is real and I too can help from my pain. I will return and I will continue to learn and help others. I will let go Let God.
Please forgive me for my drama....I'm a little embarrassed for my actions.
I can be grateful that I have learned to not enable him and I am grateful he is still alive.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I don't think that grieving aloud and needing support is drama, sister. It is human and it is real. You are a special gal who allows others to feel their feelings and ask for help, too!
(((Cathy))). You go ahead and feel whatever the heck you feel. There's no reason to ever be ashamed about the way you feel. We don't really know each other well but I'm just really glad you are here. I always want to read what you have to say, because you are so open and honest with yourself and always show large amounts of grace. Hang in there tonight. I hope you have a peaceful night's rest.
(((C))) hugs Cathy.
You have come so far and overcome so much - you a WILL get through this too. And we are here to help you. Sometimes things get tough and it's just too much, it happens to me where I just have to let myself get at little wonky and cry etc and when it's all over I get back on that horse again. You will too! And I hope we will give you that boost up. You all have for me.
I also think that this may be a blessing in disguise and his HP has him where he wants him. Try to get some rest and just do whatever you feel.
My prayers are with you and your son.
Many blessings
My daughter was in jail off and on for many years. I always thought that God did it so that I could have a break. Like so many others have said, she was safe (at least safer than the life style she was living on the outside), she had room and board - and I knew where she was. I used that time to take care of myself and relax for a time. Hope you will do the same.
Dear Cathy, I have not been in your shoes I have no son. But I wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength. more than once have I come here and your words and your path have given me hope and brought me closer to myself again. I don't think your should repeat the words that you are a failure. we both know that this is our disease talking. so don't give them too much importance. You are going through a sad episode and it must be painful. I agree. This disease does painful things to all of us Know that you are not alone. i know it's not much, but it shows that we are all human.This too shall passand it will, you know it's a process. So allow yourself all the range of feelings that come like waves, but don't let yourself drown in them. Stand strong. One day at the time. And don't beat yourself up for being a bad mum. You are not, You are simply not responsible for the choices of another human being, even if it's your son. he has choices, but the disease keeps him confused. If you want to blame something or someone, blame alcohol.
He is alive and will have more choices at hand. Let him do that, and maybea little maybe, he has time and courage to think and drop to his bottom and want to change.
Take good care of yourself, live your life and breathe.
in support, and big big hug to you.
This too shall pass, your in the pain, just keep going through it. Do what you have to do, take time to cry, feel the feelings but it passes like everything does. It will ease. What are you talking about, you dont deserve to be here? You have helped me and continue to do so, its all help, especially the humanness of your esh, your human, always going to be, dont hide it please.x
I did get a little sleep but I'm up and my anxiety is raging. I'm praying and trying to calm down. I will too I know it, it's just going to take time to digest all of this. It's a combination of being so helpless and fear for my son's body and spirit.
I pray he is OK and didn't get really hurt because he is still in the infirmary after 5 days. Was it so much alcohol and he is detoxing or hurt from resisting arrest. I'm scared to even call to find out...and don't even know if they would tell me.
I think about his personal effects and if I should try to get them out of the car. I know the car is gone because of his choices but what about his personal items that he had with him at the time. Geez I'm just being foolish now. Why do I care about this....there are bigger things to deal with
I will go to work and continue to live day by day praying it will get better. Life moves on and I have to move on with it or I'm going to be left behind and what good will that do. It's hard....many of us are in so much pain because of this disease and destroys many lives. I pray I'm not one of them.
((( hugs ))) we are not alone
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
((((((Hugs))))))) Cathy,
You are an awesome lady and an awesome loving mother and I love you for that and for all you have taught me here at MIP.
It is so wonderful that you can share your frustrations and fears with us - it helps us to understand that we are normal as well. We are human as well and we all do the same and think the same thoughts. You are generous my dear and I'm thankful that you are here!
I don't think that this disease will destroy you because you know it and you can see it for what it is. Be gentle with yourself.
Sending prayers for you and prayers for your son. You are right, you are not alone dear friend. Take care, we love you.
Wrapping my arms around you for a HUGE hug. ((((((Cathy))))))). We can only do the best we can. Your son is safe, alive, and hopefully, will get the help he needs. We all make choices to be who and where we are In this life. Praying for you and your son.
I am glad he is safe....he will have lots of time to dry out. I listened to a testimony of Ray Charles daughter recently, who spent much time in jail. She said she finally met God on that cold cement floor in her cell. Your son's guardian angel can take a break for a bit....his HP ain't done with him yet.
-- Edited by PP on Monday 24th of March 2014 01:23:13 PM
-- Edited by PP on Monday 24th of March 2014 09:15:52 PM
(((((((((((((Cathy))))))))))))))) I am not on much over here, but something told me to "check up on my buddies" the ones who have been so loving and caring to me and you are one of them, and OMG...read this and honest, Cathy, this MAY be a blessing probably IS a blessing b/c NOW he will be foreced to sober up...clean up his act.....this may be his best chance.....he will have a shelter, food, structured living w/rules and consistency...and i hear in some places they have 12 steps meets.......someone on here said the "glass half full"...i am thinking the same thing..............and like Paula says that "cold cement floor" of the cell can teach a lot....and I, too, thank HP that he is safe and you can get on w/your life and take care of you...............ALWAYS in support
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Cathy - It is sooo hard. Two Christmases ago I had to go to Ben Taub the public hospital to see my brother who had gone to a bar and gotten beaten almost to death. His face was purple and he had those marks in his face, the one that people have those things in their hand as they hit someone, not sure what they are called. He was delusional for a long time, he now has seizures. My brother has had countless dwi's, I know how you feel, all you can do is pray....that's all I can do. I don't keep in touch with him anymore now he is out and lives with my mom. I got a missed call the other day and called back and it was from the inmate system. It just makes me sick. It's a terrible disease, please take care of u thats all u can do...
