The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How do you handle intimacy? I have no desire whatsoever to be intimate with AH. NONE! All my feelings, how he acts, what he says to me etc...has zapped any feelings of intimacy that I can possibly have.
I have tried explaining to him why, but stopped he doesn't get it. Seeing him all drunk walking around, peeing all over the house, smelling like alcohol, I can't feel anything in that respect.
So, I am at a loss of how to handle this. I have tried telling him, now I just tell him no everytime he approaches me, and of course it turns into a whole scene. Idon't like him, there is something wrong with me, blah blah blah.
To the best of my ability, I live: To Thine Own Self Be True I heard once we don't need to be a dumpster for anyone's sp_ _ _ (I am cleaning this up, I think maybe I am too graphic sometimes).
To the best of my ability, I live: To Thine Own Self Be True I heard once we don't need to be a dumpster for anyone's sp_ _ _ (I am cleaning this up, I think maybe I am too graphic sometimes).
Ha ha it took me a couple of times to figure out the rest of the word.....LOL!
It's been a while since I have read it, but I remember this issue being addressed with clarity in The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage. It speaks to our own illness that we question (and we all have)what is wrong with us that we do not feel physical attraction to someone who is the throes of active alcoholism.
Just my view - but intimacy with someone who reeks of alcohol, someone who verbally abuses, someone who doesn't shower - NO - there really is nothing wrong with you!
Just really struggling with this. In the past, I always went through the motions to keep peace, but in the last 6-8 months, I can't. I feel nothing! So, I avoid it as much as possible. He is out most nights (drinking), so thats easy, but almost every morning he says why don't you put the kids on the bus and come back home!
Letting him experience the consequences of his disease in this way is honest to me. Self-care is important to your self-esteem and you are exercising it. Good work. Sex is an act and isn't necessarily intimacy. I have to respect the person I'm in relationship to in order to share myself in a physical union because I respect myself. It sounds to me as if you also respect yourself. Good work there, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 24th of March 2014 05:20:08 PM
His not getting it is part of the disease which affects the mind, body, spirit and emotions...The alcoholic is clueless and your husband is missing and has been for a long time. Being intimate with a stranger is not intimacy. Good recovery work ((((hugs))))
I heard once we don't need to be a dumpster for anyone's sp_ _ _ (I am cleaning this up, I think maybe I am too graphic sometimes).
