The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, It seems like it is time for me to make my move. I knowingly agreed to give him one more chance. He made an attempt to not drink, was 4 days sober, and chose to hang out with people/environments who temp him. He did not come home last night.
I am no longer willing to wait for him to change and suffer the disruption. (even the slightest disruption). I am comfortable with this decision (at least I think i am...often things change). His sobriety is his deal. He should know by now what his triggers are, and what to avoid. My self worth, my self respect is MY deal. I choose not to be with someone who cannot be respectful, kind, considerate HONEST. At this point even if he were to get into a recovery program, I am not really interested in being in the line of fire of his mood swings. Yes, there would be valuable lessons for me to learn in "dealing" with life. But I am tired of "dealing" with life, I want to LIVE life.
I feel ready. Perhaps a bit concerned as to what my immediate plans are..but looking forward to living alone. The crazy thing is that while my mind is relatively serene, my BODY is not. Maybe I had too much coffee, but I am a bit fluttery, maybe it was because I didn't sleep well, but I am a bit dazed and just want to close my eyes. Maybe I ate too fast. But I almost threw up a little bit in my mouth earlier (sorry I know its gross). STRESS IS NOT JUST MENTAL - IT IS PHYSICAL TOO. never underestimate what a toll this takes on your body.
Many blessings and remember to take care of you - listen to your body!
I know how your feeling this morning. I have also made a big decision to not help my son one bit anymore. I'm firm and strong about it but my hands are still shaking and my heart hurts. My anxiety is so much less than it's been in the past with big decisions but it's still there. Our bodies are in turmoil because fear of the unknown is scary. But I find it passes with time and we become stronger and stronger to deal with our feelings, desires and just what to do NEXT.
This is a one day at a time program and if we do that the fears and worry are much less damaging to the body and mind. I will go to a meeting tonight and then take a long relaxing bath. I will get to sleep early ( try ) and hopefully I will calm down more tomorrow.
I know with God's help this too shall pass....it will never last forever.
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
'Yes, there would be valuable lessons for me to learn in "dealing" with life. But I am tired of "dealing" with life, I want to LIVE life. ' I think living with an alcoholic pulls you away from life, thats what stops you dealing with life. I neglected my own life when with my A, I am 'living' life today.
Your post is full of the good stuff, awareness of the reality of the situation, the acceptance that nothing changes if nothing changes and you are powerless over another and now you are ready to take the action to get what you want your life to look like. You have had a wee practice run so you know you have the courage, so get the lovely thoughts back in your mind, all the nice things you did the first time, write them down for when you falter and for when your mind plays tricks on you and you start thinking, its a shame for him and its not that bad and I could try this and that, you know all those lies that we tell ourselves. We are with you here, thinking of you and wishing the best for you.x
Take care of yourself. Listen to your body. Mine likes to give me cold sores when I am stressed and when the alkie was drinking there were lots of cold sores. Last week he had surgery for prostate cancer, and lo and behold, another cold sore. Ugh. I up-ed my meetings and went nearly every day. I had an hour of no stress every day.
Listen to your body. Stress raises your cortisol levels and that is bad in all kinds of places in your body. Alcoholism affects us physically as well as the alcoholic.
Our health suffers, along with our self esteem, with their up and down behavior. When one minute they are happy and the next they are raging how are we to relax? We cannot. It is very hard. Detaching for me has helped and also not getting involved in an argument with him.
