The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At my counseling session today I talked about what happened Saturday - ah was drinking with daughter in car. She told me to report it social services- it seems like the time frame would be off (it was almost a week ago, in my experience they also don't do anything with reports) and motive would be trying to get it documented in system for possible custody case down the line..... It will not happen again as he will not be alone in the car with any kids. Trying to check my motives - seems spiteful and devious to me? Am I just chickening out? Thank you for the ESH,
this is board is truly a lifesaver, am so grateful I found it
Reporting it is a best idea for many reasons; getting help, making it known for cause, building a boundary, setting an expectation about your intentions for him (work...ugh), assuring faith and trust in your child, self growth, self verification and much more. Best case scenario against? yeppers fear...chickening out. "Courage to change the things I can". (((((hugs)))))
You are in no way being spiteful or devious!! You are protecting your daughter!! I would call the cops and report him. No matter what...kids come first!
Thank you, I did it, now to see if he's contacted and how he'll react to me. I've made reports on parents before through my profession never dreamed I'd have to on my husband. This disease sucks!
Yeah, it does suck. I never reported my AW for driving, she ended up getting 2 DUIs on her own. In fact, our neighbor is a cop, and a couple weeks before her first DUI, he called me and told me she had been reported. I had met her where we were both driving to, and I took the keys and drove everyone home. She still stayed in enough denial that a couple weeks later she got the first DUI, so that phone call from my neighbor didn't really help anything.
I don't know how you could know he will never drive with the kids for sure. On her first DUI, I left her at home first thing in the morning thinking she was going to sleep it off. She saw something she thought my son had forgotten to b ring to school, panicked, and flew to the school down a small state highway about 60 mph. Undercover cop saw her and reported her to the town, but by the time she got into town, she had gone off the road a foot for about 30 feet and stopped.
Second time I was on a business trip. I could tell she was drunk on the phone the last time I talked to her. I should have reported her then, but she got picked up anyway. She was about to have my son and his friend get in the car, she was picking them up from school. She was so impaired that she just had no idea what the hell she was doing. The fact that she was about to drive them home drunk still haunts her. This is one where I have to hate the alcoholic, because I know the woman is wonderful and would never do that.
So any thought of control that I had was an illusion.
I'm glad you called. That is exactly what I would do if I had this all to do again. In fact, it doesn't matter if child is with or not, A's are dangerous to everyone on the road, and could kill random strangers. I have no idea what kind of liability that would leave on the survivors, but it wouldn't be pretty.
That took courage Kerry, I think you have done the right thing, the slogan 'First things first' comes to my mind, I take that as the children, they must come first regardless of the consequences. Your ex will think twice before he does this again and his consequences are normal consequences even though he may justify and blame and all the rest to avoid the truth. Maybe you can practice detachment when he looks to put it on you, I like saying ' Im sorry you feel that way' and dont defend, argue or justify nor take responsibility for his actions. Well done, you should be proud of yourself, you protected your child.x
