The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
it is 11:30 pm and I am wide awake. I thought I'd share something. At my last meeting I brought something up on being independent and working for things vs. a sense of entitlement. I mentioned that even with all my years of experience there are times when I still get bitter and jealous of those that I feel have more than I do. It's been like this for awhile and it doesn't seem to be going away, though I feel like I've tried everything. One member talked to me after the meeting and said she knew exactly how I felt and that I shouldn't feel lesser than for having to work for things. She mentioned she has friends that 'have more' and discusses some of their family issues and reminded me the grass isn't always greener.
Then tonight, I was thinking. I have many friends who just feel they are entitled. Entitled to money. Entitled to a good career. Entitled to a beautiful woman. Then I got to thinking what has lead them to be this way. For many, they had childhoods that didn't involved any sort of hardship. Many never had a parent out of work or divorced, or never moved, or never had a part-time job. Things were always just 'there' and they were just natural occurrences. They saw the end product but never saw the work behind it. It's now clearer to me when I truly listen to them complain about certain things....I think 'how can these people not get it'....it's cause they don't. They don't know what it means to go out after what you really want and that these things will just 'happen'..
What's the point of this? I don't know...but i wanted to share.
I use to do that myself...wasted a lot of fun time. Gratitude and gratitude list helped me out of that plus a change of Higher Powers. The one I have now sure got me more than my garage full of stuff and etc.... Great post. (((hugs)))
Hi Jim thanks for sharing your thoughts and process. I grew up in a family that struggled and knew that if I wanted anything in this world that I would have to work hard for it. I did see others who had more than I did and at times fantasized what it would be like to be them but honestly knew that my path was different. I do not believe that having everything handed to me would have made my life better--. I do think that growing, setting goals, working towards a dream developed the courage and wisdom that I needed to survive and thrive.
Today's reading in the Courage to Change talks about judging ourselves on our accomplishments or on what others said about us. The Courage to Change cautions that by so doing we have to struggle constantly to make ourselves the center of attention and our sense of satisfaction is fleeting.
It states that we have a hidden power to feel good all the time and if we reach out by sharing our love ,we have the power to feel good regardless of our achievements whether or not people validate our worth.
"Paying someone a compliment that comes from the heart or thanking them sincerely for their kindness may be the nicest thing I can do for myself today."
The quote is from Abraham Lincoln:" it is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him "
We live in a world of entitlement and wealth and it is seductive to begin comparing. When I begin to notice those entitlement thoughts coming in, I do pause and bring my attention to the things I have and am grateful for. It is not easy sometimes, but like learning a new skill, I have to practice. And then when I get rusty because I got lazy, I have to practice some more. I notice the more I deny these kinds of feelings, the louder they scream, so it is best to give them their little place on the stage, then say "bye bye". Great post
