New and Lost - Al-Anon Family Group

PNR817 · Newbie

New and Lost

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear PNR Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I am so glad that you found us and had the courage to reach out and share your heart.

Alcoholism is indeed a cunning, baffling and powerful disease over which we are powerless. It can be arrested but never cured. Living with this disease affects the family in a very negative manner and because of this we need a program of recovery--Our thinking has become distorted by walking on eggshells, focusing on others and trying to force solutions.

Alanon is that program Face to Face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is found in the white pages. I urge you to call and attend the meetings. It is here that I learned how to break the terrible isolation caused by walking on eggshell and living with this disease. Developing new tools to live by and connecting with others who understood as few others can ,truly helped me to change my life and my attitudes.

Please keep coming back here as well You are not alone and there is HOPE.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Ditto what Betty said. You are not alone, this is one of the few places where you really don't have to say much and we totally understand. I know your exhaustion...take good care of you now before you sink further.

PNR817 · Newbie

Thank you so much. I need to learn how to take care of myself, because I'm not sure how to do that at all. The exhaustion is very hard to explain, so I'm thankful that I don't have to do so. I am checking around to see if we have a chapter here so I can go to a meeting.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Meetings can uplift you, even if you don't say anything. It is an energetic thing that cannot be explained smile

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drews is a very helpful book. There are 4 volumes that I know of. I read the first 2 books within a few days. Easy reading and very insightful. I highly recommend her book. Get all the al anon literature you can get ahold of at meetings. We have a lot of free pamphlets. Al anon , my sponsor and God my higher power are what helped me to leave my marriage. Alcoholism is more than some of us are capable of living with. I understand your pain. I was tired of the roller coaster and chose to get off of it to restore myself to sanity. Higher power is there to care for us all. Your HP can be whatever works for you. Sometimes the meetings alone are our HP. Take care

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear one I appreciate your courage to share here.Believe me we know the pain you are in, the exaustion.

His journey is his own, we have no part in it, his disease and how he deals with it is his too. What we learn to do is detach from the disease. My experience is to love that person, they deserve our compassion as they are very sick. However we never baby them or make things easy for them as one usually would with a sick loved one.

We need to do NOTHING that they can do for themselves. They need to fall, lose jobs, go hungry, not drive,not be driven, we don't call in sick for them, their disease is none of our business.

Al Anon teaches us many skills how to live with an A if we choose to. We learn to stay out of their drama and not take it personal or our own problem. We learn not to allow this disease to pull us into its pit.

There is no such thing as slipping. The fact is, the addict is still using.

Its ok for you to rest, take naps, take your kiddo to movies, go have day trips whatever even if the A won't go. My experience was he ruined it anyway.

We learn to not engage in the diseases bolony, the arguing, just don't. Yelling, leave. Saying,"you may be right." stops things sometimes. Not trying to stand up for yourself when they say you are crazy or fat or you make me drink, all bolony. In my head I thought, "ya right."

We don't have to respond. We can learn to walk away, not engage, not care what this diseased, sloppy with alcohol body and brain says.

We don't tell them what to do. We learn to put up boundaries with consequences. Please keep coming. There are tons of posts to read. Meetings right here. you are very welcome to pm us by clicking on our names.

Face to face meetings where you live are great. If there are more than one, find the one you feel the most comfortable.

welcome, please keep coming!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha ((((P)))) and welcome to the board from the Pacific. You've gotten some very good ESH (Experience Strength and Hope) from some of the family. We keep each other sane and love lives here. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions and so you being exhausted is a natural consequence of living with an active alcoholic. We get as sick as the alcoholic does except we don't have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality and therefore much of the exhaustion is between our ears...sometimes called in or un sanity. Face to face Al-Anon meetings saved my life...the hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book. Call...find out where and when we get together in your area and come get your seat. Keep coming back here also cause there is a ton of support all the time. (((((hugs))))) smile

PNR817 · Newbie

Thank you all so much. I'm so grateful, that he isn't mean or anything like that. He is just loud and obnoxious. Of course he thinks he is funny. I'm truly blessed that he has recognized all of this and is at least attempting to get help. We did find out that he is on a waiting list for a 60 facility. I'm happy he is willing to go.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

The disease makes us believe we can live with the "at leasts". I find it best to not accept the at least's...when I do I am usually minimizing my pain. I don't usually use the word deserve, but I will make an exception, YOU DESERVE a healthy relationship smile

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi PNR,

I agree with Paula here. In fact, in my experience, whenever I used an "at least", it seemed like just a matter of time before my AW was doing that. "At least she does it just once in awhile". "At least it just happens on vacation". "At least she does it in the privacy of our home, not at parties". All of those eventually turned into reality, the disease was very progressive in her once I understood what was going on. So I had to keep my expectations low, in fact they were at 0 for quite awhile.

Peace
Kenny

sadsusie · Senior Member

((PNR))) Hugs

You have done the right thing - coming on to this MIP (Miracles in Progress) board. We have all felt a similar pain and have been affected by alcohol in one form or another. For some it is a parent or child, for others it is a spouse or sibling. Meetings are truly a Godsend, you are free to be yourself in a closed protected environment. You may find that listening is the easiest for you....I often find that when I listen closely to others stories and how they process their pain/emotions/struggles I am better able to identify things that I didn't know where there in my own life. Personally, I relish the opportunity to share my feelings. For me, I had hid my true feelings (even from myself) for so long that I had to actually *practice* feeling my feelings. I discovered things about myself and my own recovery that I may have not know if I had not verbalized them.

This board is equally as important to me as my face to face meetings.

Please remember that your Alanon family are not there to give you the answers, we are here to hold your hand, and cry with you as you discover the answers for yourself. We also laugh really hard too! ; ) when the time is right.

MY AH went to rehab after I left him...we were/are hoping to work through things. (although he relapsed) The day that he got out of rehab was the hardest day of my life. It was at that time that I truly realized that HIS sobriety had only a little to do with all of our problems. To further explain...What I mean is, the fact that he does not drink, doesn't fix ME or us or him for that matter. Being involved in a recovery program (i.e. Alanon/ AA / Coda) is what changes things. I have been working hard at getting in touch with my feelings, desires, hopes, fears boundaries. Learning to live in the present, learning not to overreact or under react. Learning to listen to my HP. I try to stay on my side of the fence and let him deal with his stuff. I do my best to support him with out asking him to be accountable to me.

I am excited for you that you have made this positive move in your life. I have meet others who are not romantic relationships with alcoholics, but are children of alcoholics - and they have found great comfort in the program. You are certainly in the right place. Keep coming back.

Many blessings

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.