Hiya. This is the first time I have posted. I have an alcoholic mother. Her drinking started when she emigrated to Canada from the U.K fifteen years ago. This also coincided with me (her only child) giving birth to her first grandchild. I have since had three further children. The last fifteen years have been an absolute nightmare and a little like watching a car crash unfold in slow motion. Because I only see her once or twice a year it has taken me a few years to realise how bad her drinking has become. She has only once admitted she has a problem (in 2009) and spent thousands of pounds going in to a seven week rehab in Canada. She drank the day she came out. She blames everything on 'depression,' grief over the death of her parents (in 2005 and 2006), her childhood, and other mystery (made up) illnesses. The day after I gave birth to my four year old daughter she called me and told me she had a 'brain tumour.' This wasn't true. I have tolerated her visits every single year since 2000 and watched in horror as her behaviour has swung from hurtful, manipulative, intoxicated to plain bizarre - wandering around the house in the middle of the night wailing. She is incredibly rude to my husband and has started being very divisive with the children. Her big problem (apart from drinking) seems to be me. She wants respect and deference from me and a relationship with her four grandchildren without my husband and I getting (annoyingly) in the way. In recent years her annual visits have almost been intolerable. She is rarely sober and when she is she is bitter, unkind, aggressive. We are expected to just put up with this. She hides alcohol, refuses to admit she is being drunk and unreasonable - on her last visit she defecated on my kitchen floor and then stepped over it and went upstairs without clearing it up. I cannot cope with anymore. Not just for me but for the children (who find her scary) and for my husband who has, quite simply, had enough. She will say absolutely anything to get here - promises of not drinking, pleads with us, sends presents for the children - but it has always, without fail, been the same. I have, in the past, told her not to come and she has ignored this and sat in my garden from 4am in the morning or even, one occasion, let herself into my house at night because we left the back door open. The reason I am posting now is because she recently said she was coming over to 'visit.' Her last trip was six months ago and it was so awful I was physically ill for days afterwards and my husband drove her away from the house saying she would never see her grandchildren again unless she stops drinking. So, on this occasion, I have told her not to come. I do this every time she leaves - I send a long email saying it is the drinking that is the problem - not her. I don't want her to feel unloved by me, but she has never - once - acknowledged any of my concerns or the impact her toxic behaviour is having on my life. But my mother being my mother (refuses to be told anything) has booked her airfare anyway and is arriving tomorrow. This is despite the fact I have told her we are all going away for the week BECAUSE she is coming. But she is refusing to get the message. I feel in such angst. It seems so dramatic to move my entire family out of our home for the week but the alternative is her turning up at all hours of the day and night forcing herself on us when I have pleaded with her not to come. I am worried about what she will do in our little village for an entire week on  her own with no transport and nobody to see. She says she is bringing presents for the children. I have told her I don't want presents. I feel unbelievable guilt because it seems so cruel to do this to her when she is flying thousands of miles - but I told her not to come and she went ahead and booked anyway. It's a control thing and now she is emotionally blackmailing me and saying she is 'dying' and wants to see me one last time. I know this is rubbish but at the same time I am the last stop for her. Perhaps if I do this she will - finally - realise what she needs to do. Or she will kill herself and I'll feel guilty forever. I'm in a lose-lose situation..