The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm glad venting helps. Remember that his addiction isn't a choice. It's not you or the addiction. It's just the addiction: the obsession of the mind replaces all other considerations; then there's the first drink, the first whatever...followed by the phenomenon of craving, and it doesn't stop until it stops. There is no room for anything or anyone else. He is sick, and you have every right not to hang around and witness it. It's his mess, not yours.
You can't love him better. He's the only one that can find a solution, and he won't do that until he's ready. It's entirely your choice to wait or move on.
I really hope that doesn't sound tremendously harsh. It's intended in the spirit of honesty and compassion. A disease like his is progressive and fatal. I wish him the gift of desperation, that it becomes more frightening to him to keep on the way he's going than it is to try to get through it and come out the other side. There is a solution: AA, NA...but he has to be willing to go to any lengths to get there, and only he can determine when that happens.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you find what you need to start healing as well.
Dear CMB welcome to Miracles in Progress. Thank you for having the courage to reach out and share your concern and your deep pain. You are not alone --
We who live with the disease of alcoholism understand as few others can. We too were lonely, frustrated and confused by our interactions with our partners. Having lived with the disease of addiction we too have developed negative coping skills from which we needed to recover.
Al-Anon is a fellowship of members who have lived with or lived with the problem of alcoholism. Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and the main hotline number can be found in the white pages. I urge you to calll and attend as soon as possible.
It is at these meetings I learned to break the isolation caused by living with alcoholism, connect with supportive others and developed new constructive ways of living in the world.
I'm better today. This would be the 3rd man I've loved with this disease so Ive done this before. I was wishing so badly all weekend for him to call, today I hope he doesn't. The tie is 1 year but he means a lot to me. Thank you!!! Living the steps again. Live and let live. Thank you
For me awareness is key, then acceptance then comes action. This stuff takes time and energy to work through, but you are here and moving forward. I have a hero complex and want o put on my Super Woman costume and save them all, but unfortunately they don't save me back, they go out and drink. So now I am saving me and working through the steps to break the habits of old. Face to face al-anon meetings, my sponsor, step work, reading everything al-anon and MIP all keep me healing and moving forward. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and my 3 daily readers keep my head in the game of life. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Cmb, it would be helpful for you to find out why you are attracted to emotionaly unavailable partners. It seems to be a pattern and it could be that you are getting unhealthy needs met through your relationships.
